Mr. SponsorPants

why I need meetings #48: quicker forgetter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

why I need meetings #47: still unduly excited

 

 

 

 

 

sadly

(hilariously)

I am still 

unduly excited

by 

excess.

beyond just the glutton's joy at 

anything resembling 

"all you can [insert ingestive transitive verb and a noun here]"

the idea of 

unlimited anything 

tickles the addict in me to a 

shameful degree,

well beyond the standard level of human

avarice.

 

seriously,

it's a good thing I still go to as many meetings as I do.

I (mostly)

have balance today,

and (honestly)

it is in meetings

I hear things

which

help me

maintain

it.

 

 

 

 

why I need meetings #13

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To crib a line from our friends in Alanon, "If it's hysterical, it's historical."

I cannot change the past, but sometimes I need help dealing with it.

Hell, sometimes I need help even recognizing that it's cropping up again.

Hearing other people in meetings sharing about dealing with their past helps me identify what's going on -- and use AA's tools to sort it out. 

 

 

 

Why I need meetings #30: "if I can stop one heart from breaking" - Emily Dickinson

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Emily Dickinson

 

 

 

Basically, I need AA meetings because it's where they keep all the robins.

 

 

 

 

 

 

why I need meetings #20: it's where the beautiful people are

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.

These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.

Beautiful people do not just happen.

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

 

In my experience of AA meetings and the people I've met there, everyone -- regardless of how sick they still may be, or whatever they're dealing with -- everyone is, if not moving towards healing and recovery, at least facing in the right direction. 

Most of the people in AA have truly experienced an inner darkness, and are now, even if uncertainly, reaching for the light.

And to me that makes them beautiful.

Even those that are my Great Spiritual Teachers -- the ones who push my buttons the hardest. (Albeit maybe more beautiful from a distance right up in my business. Work in progress!)

 

 

why I need meetings #18

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was going to AA meetings that eventually helped me hear my own music.

 

Yes, my phrasing is maybe a little saccharine, and certainly the quote is quite famous,

but for all that it is still my truth.

 

My alcoholism, fueled by (or fueling? Potato potahto) my fear and ego, kept me perpetually self-involved and desperately trying to be what I thought I was "supposed" to be -- not in the aspirational sense; I wasn't reaching for goals. In the sense that I was deeply convinced I was a Wrong Thing and needed to make sure nobody found me out.

 

The experience of hearing people share in meetings, the discussion of the AA literature, the stunning example of people using AA's tools and staying sober through terrible difficulties, these things literally showed me how to become comfortable in my own skin. To become my authentic self.

I guess you could say AA meetings helped me evolve from trying to "not-be" and allowed me to try to just "be."

 

There may well be many places on earth in which you can find that kind of help. I do not know.

But my experience is that I found them in AA meetings.

And I still find them today.

Which is why I still need them, and I still go.

 

 

why I need meetings #12

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are people in meetings whom I've known for years.

We are as close as anyone who has affection and respect and mental and emotional intimacy might be.

I consider them close friends with whom I've had great deep belly laughs. And we have, at one time or another, been completely unguarded and vulnerable with one another.

Yet I only see them at meetings.

Not for any lack of interest on either part, it's just that we're... meeting friends. That's where our lives touch.

It is as powerful and important a friendship as any other in my life. 

And a big part of my AA medicine.

 

 

why I need meetings #16

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is.

I just need to put myself in a place (literally, sometimes),

where I can experience it.

 

why I need meetings #38

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I came to AA, they said "let us love you till you can love yourself."

Frankly I thought the sentiment was a little cloying and a little gross.

How else could I view it, considering how much self-loathing I had?

(It has been my experience that violent reactions to loving or spiritual sentiment is usually because it strikes close to a deeply-seated issue that I was often almost completely blind to. )

But I did find love in AA meetings. In small ways, at first: Through the 12 Traditions, and how they keep a meeting safe for everyone. Through the even-handed way most of the long-timers dealt with conflicts within the group. Through the welcoming spirit and kind hospitality of virtually everyone I met.

I know it sounds extremely infantile -- and a little self-serving, given what I tend to write about here -- but in that environment, via meetings and the fellowship, I blossomed. I slowly -- so, so slowly -- started to feel safe. To trust the friendship being offered. To stop worrying with that all-consuming self-obsession what everyone thought of me.

I need meetings now as I did when I was new because I still feel that kind of love from the fellowship.

It's just that nowadays, I feel it most when I do for others in the room what was done for me: Safeguard the Traditions, respond to things in as tolerant and even-handed a way as possible, and welcome new people and also long-timers who might be feeling the mileage.

I need meetings today so that the best parts of me have a place to express themselves -- to stay in bloom.

 

why I need meetings #15: to see the whole picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hearing people in meetings talk about their experiences and their challenges and their recovery helps me consider old ideas in a new light -- and through the process of identification -- hear new information which helps me start to see "the whole picture."