Mr. SponsorPants

may be distorted

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Freedom from the sometimes

crushing pressure of

trying to be

how you think

you're "supposed" to be

is one of the best things about

an active AA Program and

staying sober over time.

 

 

why I need meetings #48: quicker forgetter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

instead of thinking about

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh my god you guys he bugs me so much he is odd looking so am I but I'm busy taking someone's inventory here so let's not bring that up okay and when we go around the room and identify he always makes a little performance out of it always always and every time he shares he manages to work some pathetic passive aggressive martyr thing into it and I swear half the time he is looking at me when he shares like he is seeking some kind of permission or approval or something because I've been nice to him so now he's glommed onto me and ugh I don't want to be false but shunning is never the right thing to do so I try to find a good honest middle ground and focus on taking the higher road and all that crap but oh my god you guys he bugs me so much I've prayed for him and written about it and done some low grade minor character assassination with like minded fellows and each of those things in turn was helpful but oh my god you guys today was the living end every time we pray as a group he has to go faster or slower than everyone or add extra words or something and it just makes me absolutely freaking nuts

but

after the meeting I was walking a block over to wear my Lyft car was going to pick me up so I could go to work (it is one of my 7:30 am meetings and I can neatly fit it in before I have to be sitting at my desk like the grown ups do I keep my head down and they haven't figured out I'm not a grown up yet phew)

and he had walked out of the meeting a few feet in front of me

needless to say, I slowed my pace considerably to let the distance between us grow

(there's a lesson there you say? when I willfully slow my progress I increase the distance between myself and others? it is perhaps a metaphor you say? bite me I say I'm not ready to completely let go of my resentment especially since we're both going to be at this meeting at 7:30am three times a week)

and so he was quite a bit ahead of me

and he turned down a kind of alley

not like serious dark and dank urban alley

more like the not well paved narrow road that runs behind a bunch of shops where everyone has their dumpsters and stuff

and there he was rolling along

and some wretched I mean truly wretched homeless guy was limping along and pushing his cart towards the guy who drives me crazy and the homeless guy's cart got a wheel stuck in some little mini pot hole and

without missing a beat

the guy who is driving me crazy

went right over

didn't hesitate for even a split second

and helped this poor wretched fellow free his cart

and then he stood and talked with him for a bit

it wasn't even a drive by help thing it was an

"I see you" thing

and the really bitchy part of me

who let's face it is never really far off stage

wants to say that when the homeless guy got his cart going again and walked away he said to himself

"man that guy is really on some passive aggressive martyr trip"

but of course that is not anything close to what Mr. Bugs Me So Much said I am certain

he probably said something upbeat and kind and

tomorrow morning when I see him

I'm going to think about him helping that wretched homeless guy

without even a second's hesitation

instead of thinking about

how much he bugs me.