Questions via Email: One Day at a Time

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Mr. SponsorPants,

I'm going to count on the whole No Stupid Questions thing in writing to you with this.

I feel like I don't get One Day at a Time. Do I not make plans? Do I not think about my future? How can I do that?

I am new to being clean and to AA. My older brother died of his addiction and I want to make a good start because my parents only have one kid left (me).

Really Willing

 

Dear Really Willing,

I am sorry for your loss. Addiction is a terminal illness, and with all the lightheartedness (or foolishness) in meetings -- and my own goofing around and wisecracking here on the blog -- the fact is, that reality is never very far offstage. But what I have experienced via AA's 12 Steps is literally a daily reprieve from the inexorable fatal progress of true addiction. I believe that reprieve is available to any addict who is able to be honest with themselves and who truly wants it.

But because this is, as the Big Book puts it "a fatal malady," you're right, there really and truly ARE no stupid questions when it comes to figuring out how to apply all the 12 Step slogans, the many suggestions and AA's spiritual tools to our recovery and our lives.

And seriously, I get it. I get your question.

Sometimes I can wrap my head around an idea a little more easily when I take a look at what it isn't.

One Day at a Time does not mean that you only go Christmas shopping on Christmas day. It doesn't mean that you wait till April 15th to do your taxes. (I have actually tried that -- for other reasons than ODAT -- **coughprocrastinationcough** -- and I really do not recommend it.) In fact there was a comment recently here on the blog, on the post regarding 90 meetings in 90 days, suggesting that the commenter didn't feel that the 90 in 90 suggestion lined up with ODAT. While I somewhat see their viewpoint, and don't completely disagree with that interpretation, that's ultimately not how I see it.

(Seems like this is a good place to once again remind anyone reading that I'm just a middle aged sober alcoholic with a blog. I've got some real mileage now on my soberdometer but I do not speak for anyone -- least of all AA. I share only what I have learned, what I believe, and what has worked for me.)

One Day at a Time is partially about focus. Let's pretend you're getting married on October 10th. (Why Oct. 10th? 10/10. Easy to remember so you don't get in trouble forgetting your anniversary with your newly wedded beloved when you're not so newly wedded.) So you're getting married in roughly seven months, and you start to feel overwhelmed about the Big Day. But you stop yourself from ramping up to full on melt down and remember One Day at a Time. Today you're picking out center pieces. You're not walking down the aisle today. You're not making a toast today. You're not figuring out the seating chart today. Those things are on other days. Today you are picking out center pieces.

So one way I live One Day at a Time is that I do today's task. I keep my mind on today's business, even though it may be related to a larger Something in my future.

There are many ways of interpreting AA's slogans. They are simple enough so that we can remember them when we're starting to freak out, but flexible enough to apply to a number of people and situations.

First things First.

Easy Does It.

Easy Does it (but Do It!)

Just for Today.

One Day at a Time.

And many others. I invite anyone who has some helpful experience on the topic to chime in in the Comments Section below.

Hope that was helpful, R.W. Congratulations on your sobriety -- if you are indeed Really Willing you will do just fine.

 

Love,

Mr. SponsorPants

 

 

Comments

[HawaiiButterfly]

Aloha, RW~
As usual, Mr SP has given a wonderful reply...
I felt drawn to add a few more thoughts (thank you, Mr. SP, for the invite to chime in).

I hear that you want to make a good start...
You do not want to cause fear in your folks, and that is so very admirable. The fact remains that they will have fear for you until sufficient time passes for them to truly believe they will not lose their now only child to the same disease that took their other child~ addiction.

So, my first 'chime in,' is to tell you that you can all have some anxiety ODAAT, and perhaps even share about that with them...about how THAT will change, too, ODAAT.

Yes, making plans and thinking about your future can seem daunting IF you are brand new at sobriety, and Mr. SP's advice is excellent...

My second chime: you MUST also believe ODAAT that your future WILL come and it WILL be much brighter than life ever could be as an addict...because you CHOOSE to believe that ODAAT. No matter what may come, each day you must re-choose.

So...
My interpretation of ODAAT is multi-faceted...
Yes, focusing on today's tasks definitely helps tame anxieties, something an addict can be very prone to, especially at the beginning of their sobriety or during any stressful life event.

I also see the ODAAT 'tool' in the broader sense of accepting that we each are only human...we can only deal with the here and now...and none of us will (can) go through the 12 steps perfectly... we take those ODAAT, too... some steps will make sense right away, and others may take years to fully digest...

...some days we will skip on through trials and tribulations...other days we will need to call on friends, family, our Higher Power, etc...it may even happen on days in which you feel no real sense of 'challenges.' It's your path ahead... as unique as you...and it will all unfold...yep...ODAAT~

Adding my congratulations to your choice to overcome addiction, and wishing you all the best ahead as you learn to live through and find the blessings in each day's events and encounters with both self and others as they come..."ODAAT."

[Karen RB]

Someone I admire once put ODAAT something like this: "we think about the past only as much as is needed to heal, and the future only as much as is needed to plan".

Most concerns about the future boil down to "how will I cope if XXX happens?" The answer is that dealing constructively with the challenges we face today is what strengthens us to deal with whatever the future holds - we can stop worrying about the future and have faith that, in recovery, we can meet every challenge with the help of our Higher Power.
Also, when we get our heads out of the (imaginary) future, we can truly savour the real pleasures and achievements of the present moment.

[Drew A.]

Thanks Mr. SP.

For me, ODAAT has evolved. Early on in my sobriety it was simple but blunt: you don't have to drink today even if your ass is falling off. Some days it came down to One Hour At A Time. But fairly soon, after continued listening at a lot of meetings, the compulsion was, in fact, lifted. In those early days I was ill equipped for a message any more complex than Just Don't Drink today.

Today it's more about learning to truly live one day at a time. Free from the compulsion, and as a result of the steps and a great sponsor, I can begin to see life in an entirely different way. I can practice principles that were, quite frankly, meaningless to me before AA.

Like much of AA (in my experience) ODAAT turned out to be a gift as a result of doing the deal, as opposed to something I needed to find or work towards. It has evolved from an arduous task into a blessing that I'm truly grateful for.

But, there's always a but, it only comes to you by working the steps. If R.W. Is truly willing to take a leap of faith, the results will be truly miraculous!

[Luna]

All I have is Today. Yesterday is a memory..a done deal. I cannot change it. Tomorrow an imagination (as Karen so beautifully said) and there is nothing I can do about something that does not exist.

What if. I shoula, coulda, woulda is trouble and BS, because this alcoholic will get my head wrapped around the axel and is fuel for insanity and a trigger for a drink.

It is such a waste of time and the miracle I have Today.