Mr. SponsorPants

sometimes I'm a fool

 

 

 

In this context, okay, sometimes I'm a fool.

Sometimes I do "trip on what is behind me."

 

But in my defense, I'd like to offer that sometimes,

even though I've worked the 12 Steps and have little regret,

it feels like some of the stuff behind me reaches forward and grabs my ankle.

 

 

"Hey, you need a ride?"

 

 

I was walking down the hill, and the car was driving up it.  When it came next to me it stopped and the passenger side window lowered.  I recognized him from meetings but hadn't seen him in upwards of a year.  He didn't look too well, but then, a lot can happen in a year.  I remembered him as kind of an angry person; nice, but conflicted.

"Hey, you need a ride?"

"Aren't you going to offer me any candy?" I asked.

He didn't get it, tilting his head sideways and giving me the "huh?" face.

"Never mind.  Thanks, but I'm good."

"So... do you still go to meetings?"  he asked.

Wow.  Right to it.  I shrugged.  "Sure."  I rattled off the current roster of meetings in my orbit.  I had a good idea where this was going -- to be honest with you I've been in this same conversation many times over the years, all that changes is who I'm talking to and what reason they use.

"I haven't been to a meeting in... oh, a while now.  Close to a year."

"Ah." I nodded noncommittally, and we fell silent for a few minutes, the only sound the cars driving past on the hill.

"Well," I said, "I'm on my way to get cat food and some..."

"I couldn't stand the religousness of it."  He blurted it out as if I had asked him -- or accused him.

I nodded again and shrugged a little.   There was a time in my sobriety when I would have... I don't know, not argued exactly, but... debated a little.  At this point in my life I just... if I'm not your sponsor, then I don't know that it's my place anymore.

We were silent for another minute. Me leaning through the car window.

"I like the Sunday morning meeting."  I offered.

Silence.

"I'll be there this Sunday."

"Yeah?"

"I can save you a seat if you want."

He looked at me.  "That's nice of you to offer."

I shrugged again.  "No big deal.  It's not like I'm offering to donate one of my kidneys or anything."

He laughed.

"I'll be there, I'll save you a seat.  It's a good meeting.  Be nice to have you there."

"Thanks.  Sure you don't want a ride?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay, well... later."

"'kay" I answered. "See you Sunday."

He drove off.

Maybe. I thought.

 

 

 _________________________________________________________________

 

There are more stories like this one in "Mr. SponsorPants: Adventures in Sobriety and The 12 Steps for AA's and Others."  Available as an eBook on Kindle via Amazon.  Download the Kindle reader app for free on any device or platform, from PC to Smartphone, and enjoy eBooks anywhere you have time to read.

the difference between an apology and an amends

 

 

 

the difference between a simple apology and a complete amends is

restitution;

in whatever form it might take.

 

your arm around my shoulder

 

 

 

 

Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder

and your hand over my mouth.

-- Anonymous

 

 

(Damn that Anonymous is clever sometimes.)

 

 

weekend plans:

Questions via Email: Breathing and Meditating

 

 

Dear Mr. SponsorPants,

I've read almost everything you've written. I think maybe everything. I am trying to start to meditate like Step 11 says. I read a lot of your writing you talk about breathing and meditating.  Or breathing.  Do you do that and do you do it a certain way when you meditate?

JG

 

Dear JG,

I think there's a really good "hot air" joke at my expense lurking somewhere around the edges of this, but for the moment it lies tantalizingly out of reach.

It's a great question. 

First, I don't think there's a "wrong" way to meditate.  There are as many kinds of meditations as there are people who want to meditate.  Walking meditations, sitting meditations, chanting meditations... and then there are people (and I am one of them) who can see some activities as a form of meditation.  The mindful practice of washing the dishes, for example (though I confess that's not one I've done lately), or gardening, or sitting and listening to something (even in an AA meeting) with your whole self... I would urge you to consider that the point is not to do it right, the point is to do it.

And meditation seems, to me, to be about stilling the chaos in our minds by doing one of two things:  Thinking of NO thing or thinking of only ONE thing.  Whichever you try, one of the best things I've ever heard about meditation was in an AA meeting, and it was the idea that, since our meditation is in large part about seeking a conscious contact with Something Greater than ourselves, we should never be discouraged by those (many) moments in our meditation practice when our mind slips back into the chatter we seek to quiet.  We should instead try to remember that the realization of the return of the chatter, and the simple attempt to recapture a more quiet focus, IS the meditation, since it is the essence of the seeking that conscious contact.

Simply put, it's not just when you are able to quiet your mind which is the meditation; the attempt to do so is the essence of the seeking, and thus the most fruitful moments of a meditation practice.

Oh JG, I really wanted to give you a simple answer and refrain from too much pontificating (since if you've read a lot of my writing you've had to wade through a belly full of THAT I wager) and yet I still slid into some meta there.  Sorry.

Simple and practical advice (experience) about meditation and breathing:

• Sit comfortably, sit still, then count down 100 breaths, trying to think only about the numbers as you count them, and being aware of the depth and pace of your breathing as you go.  For most of us it will take a long time to even make it to 90 before the chatter starts to intrude.  (And, embarrassingly, I often sometimes lose count when I do that!  Sad but true.)

• Or do visualizations -- those work really well for me as it gives my imagination a focus and that somehow helps me find some quiet.  Visualize breathing in Light and breathing out Dark.  Or, if you don't like the idea of visualizing darkness inside you when you meditate, visualize a sort of glowing white energy breathing in and then a not-glowing white energy breathing out.

• Come up with a mantra and as you breathe say it in rhythm to your breaths.  Then you get both mediation AND affirmation in one practice!  It's like the double word score of spiritual Scrabble!

• Press your index fingers to your thumbs as you inhale, hold the breath for a three count, and then release the breath, opening your fingers as you do -- feel all the stored energy (and tension) you collected flow out with the exhalation.

There are tons of guides and suggestions out there -- why not take a poll among people in Meetings you find interesting -- or break the ice with someone you find intimidating by asking about their mediation practice.  Or, maybe best of all, ask that person who seems to be at the meeting a lot but is often removed from the group in one way or another what their thoughts are -- then you can maybe both learn something helpful but also (and more importantly perhaps) help someone feel "a part of."

I myself have had long stretches -- years worth -- of a very disciplined and kind of "formal" meditation practice, and also had long stretches -- years worth -- of a much more casual, on-the-fly series of exercises to try and find peace amidst mental turmoil (I use those a LOT at work right now).

And while I feel that, outside of trying to follow a particular religion's specific discipline I want to reiterate that I don't think you can really do meditation "wrong," I also want to point out that in this, as in all things, you'll get a result in proportion to your effort.

In other words, to use an analogy, we can say that, yes, taking a stroll around the block is a form of exercise.  It's good for you and it stirs the blood and will increase your respiration a little, but that level of exercise won't get you to the Olympics.  To have a powerful physical transformation one needs the regular practice of a rigorous physical exercise routine.  I suspect that (for me) the "washing-the-dishes-mindfully-meditation" is the spiritual equivalent of walking around the block.  Sure, it's a meditation of sorts, but the result will not be the same as a disciplined -- even challenging -- regular (daily) meditation practice.

Hope some of that was helpful and not just a lot of ... nope.  Still can't find a fresh take on the hot air line.

 

Cheers!

Mr. SP

 

anyone can start today

 

 

 

 

 

The things you take for granted

 

 

 

 

we decide what we see

 

 

 

 

Just as it's possible to cultivate an attitude of gratitude

(God sometimes that phrase can grate -- but it is a powerful thing if I can get past that reaction)

it's also true that I can shift my perception to really see the good around me.

This is not the same as being willfully blind to hard truths, rather,

it's making the conscious decision not to let the fear

which "ugly" things can spark

distract me from the uplifting, beautiful reality of a life lived free of addiction.

A life of gratitude, service and thus, purpose.

A life in sobriety truly happy, joyous and free.

 

A life which can be created by anyone willing to work all 12 Steps.

 

5 Quotes on Service

 

 

 

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve.

-- Albert Schweitzer

 

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

 

If you can't do great things, do little things with great love.  If you can't do them with great love do them with a little love.  If you can't do them with a little love, do them anyway.  Love grows when people serve.

-- Mother Teresa

 

Though my work may be menial, though my contribution may be small, I can perform it with dignity and offer it with unselfishness.  My talents may not be great, but I can use them to bless the lives of others... the goodness of the world in which we live is the accumulated goodness of many small and seemingly inconsequential acts.

-- Gordon B. Hinckley

 

Service keeps you sober.

-- A.A.