Things I learned (or was reminded of) this week. An ongoing series.

 

 

You can't reason with crazy -- but sometimes you need to try a little bit, just so you can feel clean about the exchange.

 

Some people are determined to be angry or unhappy -- and determined to spray it all over anyone standing in front of them.  They truly are my great spiritual teachers, in that they compel me to practice all of the things it's easy to do with the people I love, and must work (hard) to be graceful at doing with the people who bug the shit out of me who challenge me:  Feel compassion, be patient, forgive, tolerate, understand, love... 

 

When someone -- especially an alcoholic -- says "No, no, it's not about this at all..." they might actually be saying that this is exactly what it's about -- but they don't know how to say that, or they don't want to be held accountable.  (And I am embarrassed to report that I have, at times in my recovery, very much been that alcoholic).

 

Alcoholics who complain about a particular something and claim they want things to be different (being single, being broke all the time, being bad at this or that) are kidding themselves -- their lives are exactly how they want them to be.  This is evidenced by the entrenched (if sometimes unconscious) unwillingness to do anything differently (consistently) so that they get the result they supposedly desire.  Wishing for a different result without being willing to change your process is as common as dirt.  Asking your Higher Power to help you be willing to do a different process so that you can achieve a different result is very much a part of the heart of Steps 6 and 7.

 

If you are in a situation where obviously praying might not be the best move, take out your cell phone and "call" God -- you might be surprised how powerful and comforting this bit of charade can be.

 

It takes as long as it takes.

 

Comments

[Dave]

Have a fine weekend, Mr S.P.

[Jessie R.]

NICE I love the cell phone suggestion!

[Jayne Dough]

"their lives are exactly how they want them to be."

That could quite possibly be true.

I tend to relate to it in a little bit of a different way: PART of me wants/ needs/ frantically holds on to keep (whatever destructive behavior or side effect) while A DIFFERENT PART OF ME longs to have (a rich, free, fulfilling, balanced, rewarding life complete with side effects that come with it).

It's not always that, say, I really do want to stay fat, but perhaps rather that the parts of me that over-rely on ice cream as a source of pleasure & comfort are too ingrained and the parts that rely on jogging as a source of comfort & pleasure are entirely absent. Also, "unworked material" (like an inability to keep good boundaries, so that the fear of being thin = fear that all men, like my stepfather, will have their way with me sexually & I'll be unable to stop them, so instead I try to dis-interest them by being fat instead) can have an impact.

Or I may truly WANT to live in a mansion with pretty girls who use me for my money... a SIDE EFFECT of obscene wealth and showy lifestyle... but that doesn't mean I'm ABLE to work, save, learn and invest (ie, to do the cumbersome, difficult & lengthy footwork) that would lead to acquiring the wealth that enables the SIDE EFFECT of money to waste on rich digs.

[Mr. SponsorPants]

Very well put, Jayne. Very well put.

[Let Go, Let God]

My life is exactly the way I want it to be. I get that part, and whether I'm liking that part or not at the moment, I get to look at that. Thanks for a wonderful post. I always come back to see what you say next. Have a great day, my friend.

[Texting God]

So cool to see your suggestion to call God. I'm newly sober (in my first year) and struggled with feeling connected to prayer. And remembering it! About four mths into sobriety my dad passed away. Shortly after, I thought, I have this phone all the time, I wish I could figure out a way to text prayers to God. I called my dad's old cell to see if it had been reassigned and it hadn't. So, I started texting prayers to God through that. It helped a lot to make an intangible more tangible.