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March 18, 2011


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He, he Mr SP. Speaking as an elderly woman, I think a middle aged man whose big gripe about AA is a young woman getting more attention from men than he does has clearly got problems.

If he is reading this my question to him would be: 'Do you often get resentful about women getting more attention from men than you do? If this is a regular resentment in your life, you might want to think about that....'

And guess what, admonishments to work the steps and do service are a lot more use to any new person in AA than lots of flattery and leching which any young attractive woman is well used to and doesn't need.

How fortunate you are not to have all this interference in your recovery.

Good to know you won't be treating her like this!


This is a thought provoking post, thanks. As a woman in the rooms (I arrived when I was 24), I often get men talking to me about how bitter they are that their program doesn't allow them to hit on newcomers, and they are FORCED to watch sicker men do it and hit the payload of ... fumbly inexperienced sex I guess. Invariably, they ask me to do something, save those poor girls, etc. Man, I just do not have the time to police all the predators in the rooms. AND, those girls really want nothing to do with me. Sure, they like to listen to me share, and talk to me at the end of the meeting, and sometimes they ask me to sponsor them, but that's the extent of how close they'll get to me. I have a friend who tells her sponsees to go to meetings with no makeup, in sweatpants and a baseball cap. Just to see what it's like not to be the entire focus of a meeting.

I did it too. I fell in love with my power. The ONLY power I had in the world then was my appearance. It's all I had to work with.

My mother always said, "It takes two to tango."


PS: The final two sentences are addressed to your correspondent, not to you Mr SP. Just thought I ought to make that clear!


And the same "go fix yourself, punk" attitude prevails here, just as it does in real life.

Never been proven so right, so fast. Thanks guys. Next time I'll specifically claim to be a single mom and see what happens.


Isn't the insanity great? The appearance of something does not mean reality. To bad he isn't around to hear the same messages given to the "sweet young things" Or has he noticed that the sympathy evaporates and what is given is understanding.

There is understanding because we have all been there...and we can spot the BS.

Oh, one more thing. Women and men think, feel, cope differently. But there is one thing we all have in common: F'ed up thinking, spiritually corrupt, addicted to alcohol. Comparing yourself to others is dangerous, work your program as if your life depended on it...it does.


Ralph, I don't see the attitude you claim to see here. What exactly is your beef? Should all these guys be busy saving you from yourself?


No, I don't so much mind some fairly stringent expectations when coming into AA. I see and agree with the reasons for that. It's just the extremely uneven application of this that bugs me. And how much lower, how VERY much lower, the expectations seem to be for women, and young women in particular. Maybe it's just my city.


"the penis of fellowship".... you made my Day !!


I think this is one of your best posts. 'Penis of fellowship' really had me on the floor.


Well, maybe so Ralph but those young women have pressures and expectations put on them that you don't have to deal with, like the "socialization" women addicts impose on each other. I'd rather clean coffeepots, if you get my drift.


I laughed pu loud over the penis of fellowship. I won't forget that or this post!

Julie. B

This post shows me how we can differ in our 'perceptions'.
I was a young, pretty girl who showed up to AA.
I did NOT have people running to sit beside me, shower me with attention or shove phone numbers in my hand.
After 4 months of showing up to meetings wonderin g what I was doing wrong, I got brave and talked about it in a discussion meeting.
A few people pulled me aside afterwards and kindly suggested I 'tone it down' when I come to a meeting. Meaning, forget the make-up, the hour I spent on my hair, the matching outfits and designer purse.
I was clearly sending a message "Im ok. I dont need your help".
I started showing up in track pants and a ball cap and was pointed in the direction of cleaning the coffee pot!
Ah...to be a part-of is a wonderful, life saving thing.
An experince you wont want to miss!

Julie. B

And lol....penis fellowship reminds me of something my sober-dad says:
We offer people the HAND of fellowship, not the crotch of fellowship!


Best. Post. Ever.

"Penis of Fellowship," ROFLMAO!

How perfectly apt and accurate.

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