opinions vs. judgments (again) Part 1

 

SPONSEE:  Wait, how does that go again?  About opinions and judgments?

MR. SP:  I used to think that disagreeing with anything was judging it, but that's not true for me anymore.  Some disagreement is discernment.  God gave me an intellect to use.  I may not make the best use of it all the time, but on good days it's there clicking along, asking questions, reaching conclusions.  So for me, while I'm trying not to be judgmental, that does not mean I have to endorse everything I hear or see.  I'm going to have an opinion.  Thus, basically, my starting point in discernment is that an opinion is when I decide that what you're doing is not right for me (and that's fine); a judgment is when I decide what you're doing is not right for you.  It's inevitable to have an opinion on something.  It's a good place to begin.

SPONSEE:  Starting point.

MR. SP:  Yes.  And that was how I kept from going nuts when I was new and trying not to be judgmental.  It's useful, but kind of simplistic, too.

SPONSEE:  Works for me for now.

 

 

Comments

[Dave]

OK.
I have also used (for me) this definition ...
If I keep it to myself, it's my opinion.
If I verbalize it to others, it's being judgemental.

[Jeri Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ]

I have been and still am confused by this opinion business. Especially when Tradition 10 states:
“It could almost be said that we were born with it, for, as one oldtimer recently declared, Practically never have I heard a heated religious, political, or reform argument among
A.A. members. ‘So long as we don't argue these matters privately, it's a cinch we never shall publicly.’ ”

[Lori]

When a song would come on the radio, my ex would sometimes state, "This song is so great. These musicians are so good!" If I disagreed, it would end up in some argument. (Yes, there's a reason he's an ex.) I tried to emphasize that this was his opinion and that I had another opinion and neither was right or wrong, they were just preferences. His "opinion" was then that I was just dumb for not liking the song!

Judgement continues to be a problem for me. BUT, I have noticed that I am more judgemental when I feel crummy about myself. That makes it clear to me that it is my responsibility to take care of my self esteem. I have often replaced the first line of the Serenity Prayer with "God grant me the serenity to accept the PEOPLE I cannot change...".