A good game of chess

A bit more than ten years ago I worked for a man who was a mean-spirited compulsive liar very spiritually ill.  In that regard he was actually a great teacher for me -- no really, I mean that -- as I wound up writing a lot of four column inventories in the course of working for him, and thus learned a tremendous amount about myself.

This man was prone to hysterical outbursts and petty ego games.  For example, a favorite activity of his was to call several employees and scream into the phone (literally) that they "had to have an emergency meeting right away!"  The employees would rush over to the office, only to wind up waiting in the lobby, since after he hung up the phone he'd go out in his car looking for coke and "company." (And I don't mean soda pop and fellowship)

One of the things that helped me survive that gig, in addition to a lot of inventory work, was the fact that when I got it I already had another full time job.  Working for Mr. Spiritually Ill was my second job, and I was clear about that going in.  So without risking any of his considerable ire I was able to bow out of many crazy meetings and situations with him because I was working my "first" job.  I had a buffer of circumstance between myself and the worst of his nonsense.

Yet eventually, after about a year of working both gigs, I wound up leaving the day job and only worked for Mr. Ill.

I did not volunteer this information to Mr. Ill.

Rigorous honesty is not compulsive disclosure.

Had Mr. Ill ever asked me directly if I was still working the day job, or how the day job was going, or anything along those lines, I like to think I would have told him the truth.  I might not have, "we are not saints" after all.  Progress, not perfection and all that -- but I really believe I probably would have answered a direct question with the truth.

And it's important for me to add that I didn't sweep into the office at any point and put on a little show about how my day at the other job had gone.  No stories, no play-acting, no sleight-of-hand or misdirection.  I just chose not to volunteer information to a toxic man who would then likely turn around and use it to make my life more difficult. 

I did not believe then (nor do I now, actually) that the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the important ideal of rigorous honesty, means that in dealing with difficult people or challenging, even dangerous situations, that you do not use your god-given intellect, make the best decisions possible within the principles of the program and, in essence, play a good game of chess.

We're sober.  But we're not martyrs and there's no credit awarded for needless suffering or foolish, pointless sacrifice.

Comments

[Dave]

Whew!

[Tortoise]

SOBRIETY OR SALVATION?

We need to realize that we are not ALCOHOLICS in need of SOBRIETY; we are SINNERS in need of GOD.

We will never find God by trying to clean up our sinful behaviour one piece at a time.

This is the wrong method to find true Biblical healing. A Christian does not keep their old clothes and simply sew new patches of unshrunk cloth on them, patching them up as they cleanse each sin.

If they were to do that their clothes would be worse off with the patch, not better! Look at what Jesus said:

"No man putteth a piece of new cloth unto an old garment, for that which is put in to fill it up taketh from the garment, and the rent is made worse.

Neither do men put new wine into old bottles: else the bottles break, and the wine runneth out, and the bottles perish: but they put new wine into new bottles, and both are preserved. (Matthew 9:16 - 17)

[Mr. SponsorPants]

Davy,
Welcome, and thanks for taking the time to post a comment. One of the things I love about Alcoholics Anonymous is that it offers a solution for people regardless of their commitment to an organized religion. For me, I remain open to the idea that a Higher Power will bring people to Him/Her as They choose, in ways I will not understand. I respect your faith in Scripture -- AA as a whole does not offer an opinion on such matters, and thus there are few barriers to any who might seek a solution to their alcoholism by following its suggestions. For anyone who needs it, whether they are devout followers of a particular religion or a deeply committed atheist, the 12 Steps can work for them -- I have seen this with my own eyes. Moreover, our 12 Traditions create a meeting in which those who believe passionately in any religion and those who believe in none can come together without incident to treat their alcoholism -- and from that treatment, who knows what may come? Be it a conversion experience, a more open mind, or a deepening of an already powerful faith. There is room for all of that -- and more -- in AA.
Thank you for sharing your faith and commitment here on the blog.
Cheers!
Mr. SponsorPants

[Steve E]

Your blog sounded to me like simply living life on life's terms...if there's anything simple about that!

[Davy]

Dear Mr SoberPants,
AA reinforcs the damnation of fear & guilt. Initially one comes into AA & ones fear is increased - DRUNK A LOGS - but ones guilt is diminished – “It’s not your fault it’s a disease. There is nothing you can do about it. You will die unless you believe”.

Slowly one is BRAINWASHED &
reaches a point of proper desperation, one is made to feel guilty & then hands ones power over to god – AA.

Ones motivation then is not primarily by guilt, but by fear.

When one has been in AA - for a while - & has been “god controlled” -brainwashed - through guilt, one uses guilt to PASS THE MESSAGE (manipulate others).

If one stops going to meetings, one feels guilty. One often hears other Steppers saying, “I need more meetings”. “I need to do the Steps”.

One has been driven into the DAMNATION of guilt – fear.

The process never ends, one has sold ones soul to Satan – AA.

The only way out is through the saving grace of our Lord & Saviour, JESUS CHRIST.