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May 23, 2008


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I went many years without AA and without drinking. Very nearly lost my sobriety at one point. That was enough to get me back to meetings with an openess, willingness and honesty I had never had before. Last year at our round up one of my friends was introducing me to one of his friends and by way of introduction he said, "She's been sober (this many) years and been in the program only (this long). His friend looked at me and said, "I bet you were just miserable to live with." What else could I say but "why yes, I was."


You seem to be a pretty brilliant guy(I'm assuming you're male, sorry if your not)but I digress (as usual). You write: "if you have an alcoholic mind is ... well, I think I can use the word "torture" here and not be too far off base.
Crappy relationships? Check!
Misery's plaything? Check!
Depression's bitch? Check!
Feeling useless? Afraid? Unhappy? Check, check, check!
And to escape that torture, an alcoholic usually ... anyone? Anyone? Beuller?
Drinks! Yes." All that you write applies to me, except that the self-loathing is so enourmous, I DON'T DRINK!!!, can you help me understand what is wrong with me? how fucked up does a person has to be to share all of this mind blowing character deffects with alcoholics and not drink?!!! can you throw anything my way? if I don't have a drink to put down, what is it that I pick up to torture myself. Help if you can

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