What "willingness" doesn't mean.

Willingness does not mean "want to."

I thought it did. In fact, when I first showed up in A.A. I was very confused about what the word "willing" meant. I thought that to be willing to do something you had to want to do it.

Ultimately I discovered that that's not right at all.  In fact, "willing" for me often means I will do (or at least try to do)*  what I don't want to do -- and of course sometimes the reverse, as well.

"Want to" really has nothing to do with it.

    *And do not, I mean just do not serve up any of that Yoda crap to me on that score: "Do, or do not, there is no Try!" That was Yoda's famous line, I believe.  That might work great if you're a tiny green Jedi Master, jumping around in a homespun kimono, living on a swamp planet teaching young men to embrace the Force (and what kind of a personal ad are you running to do that, I wonder? "Vertically challenged, cross dressing teacher seeks Socratic relationship with young pupil. hwp, pic for trade." Is there a Craig's List in outer space?)  But if you're an alcoholic working to avoid black-and-white thinking, and trying to stay out of the results, 'try' can be a good way to begin.  "I'm going to try" can be the first thought before picking up the pen, or getting up off the sofa, or kneeling down to pray, if any of those things are problematic for you. And maybe it's in the 'try' that the willingness lives.  As an alcoholic/addict I am so prone to wanting to quit before I even start -- I unconsciously believe I have to already know how to do something before I even attempt it -- or I somehow think I'm not allowed to goof, and have to get it 100% correct from the moment I begin -- all messages some of us have gotten maybe from our childhood, or maybe from the world at large -- or maybe because we misunderstood something along the way.  That kind of stealth perfectionism is a paralysis, and works against the forward motion that goes hand-in-hand with being willing.  To create a willing state, I don't have to wait to want to do something, I can decide to do it regardless -- and if that decision is blocked by fear or perfectionism (which is also fear) or sloth (which is also fear) or ... you get the idea ... maybe I can begin ... get just one foot out over the edge of the bed and onto the floor ... through the simplicity of "try."