The Crack Whore Prayer

Dear God,

The Big Book says you want me to be "happy, joyous and free." That is, in essence, Your Plan for me. (God, I know the Big Book is not a Bible, but, as You know, I tend to lean on it pretty heavily.) So, I'm kind of forced to ask, when I consider things ...

Do you have a Plan for crack whores?

Sometimes, when my friends and I are troubled or afraid we comfort each other with: "God didn't get you this far just to drop you on your ass, now!" And "God has a Plan for you!" (or if we're worried about someone else we say, "Don't forget, God has a plan for so-and-so, too.")

God, even though these statements, on the surface, may seem feeble or simplistic or willfully naive, I still find the idea behind them both comforting and inspirational, and I feel I draw closer to You when I reflect on them.

But then I think about the crack whores.  HBO did a show about crack whores a while ago, God, and I can't get it out of my head. (God, I used to think I couldn't include things like HBO in my prayers, but I really need to tell You what's in my head, so I'm just going to let 'er rip. If You need lots of Thou's and Thee's and Blest's and stuff then let me know, and I'll try to translate this prayer into Elizabethan English -- but I'm going to lean into the whole 'Higher Power as I understand You' thing and just speak plainly for the moment, 'kay? Thanks.)

So, I think about the crack whores, and I get afraid that, well, what kind of a God would have a Plan where someone is a crack whore? At the very least it seems like a bad or mean Plan, but mostly it would seem that there is no Plan for someone to be a crack whore ... which means if there's no Plan for them then there's no Plan for me, and my friends and I are just healthy, privileged (spoiled) people mumbling mealy-mouthed platitudes to each other.

I imagine You answering me, God. I imagine You saying, "If you're so very worried about the crack whores, then why don't you go and help some of them."  Truthfully, God, crack whoredom seems tragic and terrible, but I don't want to do anything, me, myself, about it. I want You or someone else to, so that the world is a nice place and I don't have to feel guilty about what I have or sad for (or scared of) people who seem less fortunate than I.

I'm even kind of afraid to pray for the willingness to go out and help the crack whores, since if You gave it to me I fear that then I'd go try to help and I would be hurt or killed and most certainly I would get ripped off (and then when I was dead people would say out loud how noble and giving I was to go out and try to help the crack whores, but privately they would think I was stupid and crazy and a damn fool and what the hell did I expect, anyway?)

Most often, lately, God, I feel as though the world is a giant kitchen filled with food, and most of us are just sitting on the floor, complaining that we're hungry, and whining about someone coming in and making us a sandwich.  I imagine you raising your God hands and scratching your Godhead and muttering "I gave them everything they need, do they want me to not only provide the means, but also to chew the food and swallow it for them too?!?"

God, sometimes I want to believe there is a Plan mostly because I am afraid of what it means if there is not.

But then sometimes I believe there is a Plan because I see You in the order of the physical world and in the rich mystery of the spiritual one. I feel You in the ridiculous, raw, sloppy, vulnerable, tender and wonderful connections between people. I find You in the miracle of empathy and the power of forgiveness. I see You everywhere I look and I feel You alive and breathing love into the world with every beat of my heart.

God, please help me see that it is not the presence of evil or tragedy that proves there is no Plan or that You do not exist, rather, help me see that it is in people's response to such things that shows there is and You do.

God, help me transcend my fear and apathy and greedy selfish impulses. God, help me not to use the enormity of some of the world's problems as an excuse to do nothing about my own. Help me see that although I cannot perceive it the universe is connected in a beautiful and elegant way. God, help me believe in Your Plan and become a greater force for goodness and kindness and service to others each moment of each day in my life, starting right here right now. God, help me be an open door.

And God, please, help the crack whores.

Comments

[Claire]

"God, help me not to use the enormity of some of the world's problems as an excuse to do nothing about my own."

This line is so helpful to me right now - thank you. I finally realize that I am so absorbed and distracted by things I can do nothing about in the news that I am not doing stuff about the things I can change. Serenity prayer gone wrong! Anyway, thanks. This is a very moving and helpful piece.

-Claire

[T.]

BRAVO! I just came across "The crack Whore Prayer" all I got is BRAVO! and a standing ovation.....I take my hat off to you, best prayer ever and funny as hell...but then again, maybe, hell is not funny...so just funny :)
T.