Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.

Ah, the 10th Step.  Or, as the crusty oldtimers in my early meetings used to call it, one of the key 'maintenance steps.'  (And for the record, now that I have more than 20 years myself, I'm a big fan of the phrase 'longtimers' rather than 'oldtimers.' Just a suggestion. Carry on.)

This outlines my experience of the 10th Step, both the more traditional literature-based (Big Book, mostly, with some "Twelve and Twelve" thrown in for flavor) version and also an outline that I heard in a meeting once that I've used and found very helpful over the years.

Pgs. 84 thru 86 in the Big Book talk about the Tenth Step and pgs. 86 to 87 talk about "In the morning we think about the day ahead ... " and "when we retire at night ... "

86 and 87 are mostly talking about daily reflection regarding the Eleventh Step -- but I know lots of people who use that as a jumping off place for a daily reflection/inventory/Tenth Step as well. And that's fine -- after all, there's no wrong way to practice self examination, really. But I wanted to be clear about what was where in the Big Book.

These are the questions from the Tenth Step in the Big Book, on pgs. 84 - 86, put into a simple list:

1. Was I resentful? Selfish? Dishonest? Afraid?

2. Do I owe an apology? 

3. Have I kept something to myself which should be discussed with another person at once?

4. Was I kind and loving toward all? (Man, that's a tough one.)

5. What could I have done better?

6. Was I thinking of myself most of the time? Or was I thinking of what I could do for others, what I could pack into the mainstream of life?

After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken.

I hate that "forgiveness" crap. That's really Old Testament-y to me. I usually ask God to help me forgive myself, rather than ask for God's forgiveness.  Most of the time I don't think God is pissed at me. Or disappointed.  (Which is pretty sporting of Him considering what a dreadful mess I can be. I mean, He really takes the higher ground on all that, and I must say, I appreciate it -- especially when I consider how often I've been disappointed and pissed at Him. Always gets sorted out though.)

And as part of the ongoing, in-the-moment "Spot Check" inventory, what's suggested is that at all times we continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear. And when these crop up (I always think it's funny that it says "when" and not "if") what we do is:

1. Ask God at once to remove them.

2. Discuss them with someone immediately. (or, for me, as soon as possible)

3. Make amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. (but if I'm in doubt I wait for #2 above)

4. Then "resolutely" turn our thoughts to someone we can help. (that is, reverse the flow and be of service to someone, somewhere, somehow -- to snap me out of any building resentment or self-obsession/abuse.)

But beyond the "spot check" inventory in those four points above (the clean-as-you-go, in-the-moment model) the Tenth Step in the 12/12 is pretty clear about looking at our daily behavior in writing, generally at the end of the day.  Specifically it talks about drawing up a "balance sheet," and the questions listed above, pulled from the Book, are a good way to do that.

For me, however, I have always found it both useful and comforting that the Tenth Step in the 12/12 talks about "inventory taking is not always done in Red Ink."

In the 12/12 it's suggested that I look for where I did good actions and had good intentions ... that I see where and how I was Just (as in fair) and courteous throughout the day -- and that I should note when I do that, too.

Of course the literature also talks about looking for our ancient enemy, rationalization, when we examine both our behavior and our motives.  I wish it wouldn't bring that up.

So with all that said, I have often used the format below which I heard once in a Meeting.  When I'm REALLY on my game I do it in the morning as a kind of To-Do List and again at night to kind of compare how I did.  What I write can be long or short, but the format/outline is quick and easy and (for me) covers everything.  Also, the idea is that if I DIDN'T do something I note that, too, so that if several days go by I can really see clearly that, "Wow, I've been talking a good game in my head about how I was going to do 'X' but several days have gone by and I haven't done spit on 'X.' "

So the quick outline that is both about what I'm doing right and what need to do differently is this:

A, E, I, O, U, and 'sometimes Y' -- Just like we learned the vowels in school. It stands for:

A - A for Alcoholism.

What am I doing/did I do to address my alcoholism today. Go to a meeting? Talk with my sponsor? Work on an inventory?

E - E for Exercise.

The AA Slogan H.A.L.T., (Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired), just underscores how keeping our body chemistry balanced helps us maintain our emotional and spiritual equilibrium. So E is for Exercise, as in, did I do any today? If not, then I note that down (and I mean real exercise) so that I can over the course of a week look back and go, "Wow, I had planned on doing "X" every day but I really only did it twice this week..." -- or, on the other hand maybe note that "Wow, it's Friday, and I have done real exercise every day this week. Go Me!"

Now look, noting if I did or did not do any exercise is a bit of a stretch to call a part of "continuing to take personal inventory and when wrong, promptly admit it", I know that -- but honestly, I've found when I keep my body chemistry balanced (H.A.L.T. and the exercise piece) then I'm more able to be on my game for the "promptly admit it" part, and the "spot check throughout the day."

I - I for me, myself.

What did I do to take care of myself today? This is really broad, and sometimes nothing comes to mind one way or another, but for me this is about healthy self care -- setting boundaries, etc. -- beyond the straight-up 12 Step work in the "A" above. For example, did I take care of myself by making sure I took a real lunch break at work, or did I not put off buying that card and getting it in the mail so I'm not all panicky, or did I make a special effort not to deflect compliments, or was I especially good about keeping to my mediation routine ... anything substantive that underscores the "not only in Red Ink" part of my daily inventory.

O - for Others -- where was I of service?

And for me I regard this as 'Where was I of 12 Step-type service'? Not some bullshit "I didn't yell at any salesclerks today" stuff -- more along the lines of meeting with sponsees, or calling some Program peeps to see how they're doing, or performing my service commitment at a meeting, that kind of thing.

U - Uncover -- what is that thing that I don't want to think about?

I need to write it here.  It's not a promise that I will immediately do something about it, but it's about not sliding into denial or anything.  Like if I need to call the IRS and I haven't, or I keep putting the scary bills in a drawer and not opening them, or something.  I just note it here, so that eventually it's in my consciousness enough that I can become willing to do something about it.

'and Sometimes Y'  - for "Yahoo!" (the emotion, not the web service) as in, something especially fun that I'm looking forward to -- the hot date, the concert, the theater tickets -- This is the thing that makes life fun, and can be a building block to some gratitude for the abundance in my life.

So in practice what I've done is simply written them down the left side of a page, "A, E, I, O, U and sometimes Y"  and then written the 'answer' in next to them -- sometimes I've done it in the morning as kind of a To Do List, left it on my dresser and gone about my day, and then wrote it again the same night to see if I followed through.  I like this because it covers the "whole" me but has a real focus on life through a 12 Step lens. It's a little bit "cutesy" I admit it. Works though.

Finally, the aeiou thing is not in the literature specifically, but I've used it on and off forever because I think it encompasses the whole spirit of the 10th Step, the good and bad, etc. Especially once you are in the real habit of 'cleaning as you go' (the 'Spot Check' part of the 10th Step) and don't have a lot of mental, emotional or behavioral trash to clean up at the end of every day.

Comments

[cooper]

Great ideas! Your commitment to O has been fulfilled to me. Carry on !

[agp]

Thanks mrsponsorpants. I'm using the book-based version for sponsees right now. But I think I'll try AEIOU myself for a while, then introduce it after they get through 30 days of the original.

I respect the grasp you have on this though. To comprehend the concepts & apply them in your own way is pretty cool.

[Lacosta Rimkus]

Is there a 10th step inventory paper that can be filled out?

[Brook]

Love your ideas. Really helpful!

[Helene]

When it says "discuss it withe someone immediately," does that mean your sponsor, specifically? Or can it be a fellow from program...or anyone?