ME: U are very poor at starting conversations via text.
THEM: Really angry today!!! Everyone sucks!!!
ME: Ok.
THEM: What, no wise suggestion? No snappy comeback?
ME: Just an observation.
THEM: What.
ME: 3 things: 1. U use too many exclamation points. 2. U are not just angry, u are sarcastic. 3. U have a chip on your shoulder that is effecting your hearing.
THEM: ...
ME: Let me guess. Something is not going the way u want.
THEM: Good guess.
ME: I lied.
THEM: ???
ME: U are an alcoholic - So that wasn't a guess. It's a given.
THEM: Seriously, what should I do?
ME: U have 2 choices if u are alcoholic and u stop drinking.
THEM: What r they?
ME: Get better or get bitter.
THEM: There's the snappy comeback! Knew u would have one!
ME: No less true for it, though.
THEM: Srsly, what should I do?
ME: U don't need me to answer that question. Your problm isn't that u don't know what to do. Your problm is that u know what to do and u don't want to do it.
THEM: ...
ME: Isn't about me showing/telling u what to do -- u know. It's about willingness. And I can't help u with that. U have to find that on your own. Sorry.
a few minutes go by
THEM: How come what I think you're going to say is never what u wind up saying?
ME: Beats me. But I know one thing.
THEM: ?
ME: When u start getting that right I won't have to hit these little keys so much anymore. So hurry up.
On a different day, I might have handled this differently. But they got me on this day, so this is how it went.
Them: Hey Mr. SP. Today I really want to drink.
Me: Ok.
A minute goes by.
Them: That's it?
Me: ?
Them: Aren't u going talk to me about staying sober?
Me: Why? U want to drink. Would be a drag to hear about sobriety now.
Them: ?
A minute goes by.
Them: Not very helpful, Mr. SP. U should maybe tell me not to drink or something.
Me: OMG!
Them: What?
Me: That's a great idea! U should txt someone who will do that.
Them: I'm serious.
Me: Me too!
Several minutes go by.
Them: U always talk about sobriety.
Me: Really?
Them: Yeah.
Me: God I sound boring.
Them: I'm serious.
Me: Me too.
Ten minutes later.
Them: R u f*ng with me?
Me: ?
Them: U always talk sober, I txt u I want to drink, and u don't do anything.
Me: I don't always talk about sobriety.
Them: Yes u do.
Me: No I don't. I don't talk about sobriety w checker at grocery or counter people at Strbucks or on dates. I only talk about it w people who want to stay sober.
They text me from work, on the sly -- it's not the kind of gig where you can close an office door and make a few personal phone calls. On the one hand, it's nuts to try to address some of this via texting, on the other, they're reaching out -- and work with what you got, right?
Them: Hey. Day 5.
Me: Congrats! How r u doing?
Them: Terrible. Don't think I'm going to make it.
Me: !!! Drama txt or True txt?
Them: Don't know. Maybe True. Scared. Don't think I'm going to make it.
Me: STFU
Them: ???
Me: Shut up.
Them: Big help.
Me: No. Really. Stop saying that u r just scaring yourself with a lie.
Them: Lie?
Me: U have been sober for 24 hours before, yes? Yesterday, in fact?
Them: Yes.
Me: So stop psyching yourself out. U can be sober for 24 hrs. Today half over. U only need to be sober for another 12. Easy.
Them: ...
Me: U know what I think u should do?
Them: DON'T say pray. If u say pray I will scream.
Me: If u scream they will catch u txting.
Them: LOL
Me: Pray to take your mind off of scary "I can't do it" think. Got to think about something, right? Think prayer instead of scare.
