Mr. SponsorPants

not to spoil it for you

 

 

 

 

 

fear and prayer: redux

 

 

I want prayer to work like

a shot of Jaegermeister works:  Pretty damn instantaneously.

(The truth is, a shot of just about anythingmeister works on me pretty quick.)

Prayer has, on occasion, had an effect as timely as it is tangible -- generally a mellowing, balancing kind of thing -- but that's often not what I really want. 

 

I want blue and white beams of light to come shooting out of my eyeballs.

 

I want to feel instantly and dramatically different -- with maybe a sort of spiritual build-up and crescendo culminating in the same kind of transformation which changed humble Diana Prince into super powerful va-va-voom Wonder Woman, able to thwart evil-doers in what was essentially a patriotic Victoria's Secret bodice.

When I'm really in fear, that's what I want prayer to be like.

But just because it's not often like that,

doesn't mean it's not working the way it's supposed to.

Gotta remember that.

 

 

Origin Unknown: The Old Timer's Prayer

 

 

Old Timer's Prayer

  

Lord, keep me from the habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion.

Release me from the craving to straighten out everybody's affairs.

Keep my mind free from the recital of endless details - give me wings to get to the point.

I ask for the grace to listen to the tales of others pains.  Help me to endure them in patience.

But seal my lips on my own aches and pains -- they are increasing, and my love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by.

Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally it is possible that I may be mistaken.

Keep me reasonably sweet.  I do not want to be a saint -- some of them are so hard to live with -- but becoming a bitter old timer would be one of the crowning works of my alcoholism.

Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places and talents in unexpected people.

And give me, O Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Make me thoughtful, but not moody;  helpful, but not bossy.

With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all - but Thou knowest, Lord, that I want a few friends in the end.

 

(Yes, I may possibly have tweaked this a tiny bit to make it more on point, but I don't think "Unknown" will mind.)

answers all prayers

 

 

 

I have come to believe that

God answers all prayers.

Sometimes the answer is "Yes."

Sometimes the answer is "No."

Sometimes the answer is "Wait... I have something better for you."

 

(To which I sometimes want to reply, "Ok, but... You know that Your experience of Time and mine are really, really different, right?")

 

 

 

"As the day goes on..." Life saving (literally) practical advice from the Step Eleven

 

 

As the day goes on, we can pause where situations must be met and decisions made, and renew the simple request: "Thy will, not mine, be done."  If at these points our emotional disturbance happens to be great, we will more surely keep our balance, provided we remember, and repeat to ourselves, a particular prayer or phrase that has appealed to us in our reading or meditation.  Just saying it over and over will often enable us to clear a channel choked up with anger, fear, frustration, or misunderstanding, and permit us to return to the surest help of all -- our search for God's will, not our own, in the moment of stress.  At these critical moments, if we remind ourselves that "it is better to comfort than to be comforted, to understand than to be understood, to love than to be loved," we will be following the intent of Step Eleven.

 

-- "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions"  (AA's 12 & 12) pg. 103

 

Doctor Bob's 3rd Step Prayer

Bill W. and Dr. Bob were the two co-founders of Alcoholics Anonymous.  Bill is perhaps slightly better known, but Bob was certainly as instrumental as Bill in helping to set the stage for what has become AA as we know it today.

Regarding the 3rd Step ("Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him") what the Big Book says about this Step (and by extrapolation -- for me -- all prayer) is that "The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation."   And so while I have come to find the 3rd Step Prayer printed in the Big Book to be just about perfect, I think it's well worth reflecting on Bob's more personal version.

I'm particularly fond of the line: "I'm not sure I want You to, but do it anyhow." 

On many some days I can only say to that, "Amen, Bob.  A-frickin'-men."

 

 

Dear God,
I'm sorry about the mess I've made of my life.
I want to turn away from all the wrong things I've ever done and all the wrong things I've ever been. Please forgive me for it all.
I know You have the power to change my life and can turn me into a winner. Thank You, God for getting my attention long enough to interest me in trying it Your way.
God, please take over the management of my life and everything about me. I am making this conscious decision to turn my will and my life over to Your care and am asking You to please take over all parts of my life.
Please, God, move into my heart. However You do it is Your business, but make Yourself real inside me and fill my awful emptiness. Fill me with your love and Holy Spirit and make me know Your will for me. And now, God, help Yourself to me and keep on doing it. I'm not sure I want You to, but do it anyhow.
I rejoice that I am now a part of Your people, that my uncertainty is gone forever, and that You now have control of my will and my life. Thank You and I praise Your name. Amen.

 

 

sometimes I say it a hundred times in a day...

 

 

 

Sometimes I say it with a peaceful heart, other times in desperation, but if I think about what I'm saying, it never fails to give me some measure of relief.

 

I really needed to read this (again) after today...

An unpleasant turn of events at work.  A sick person doing what sick people do.  I can see it for what it is.  I feel like I can literally see the mechanism of their sickness driving them to make spectacularly poor choices, and work to damage their relationship with the one person (me) who's really been in their corner. 

Though I hear the Siren song of drama calling to me, enticing me to respond in kind; or better (worse) use kindness in a cruel and destructive fashion to retaliate (and if you don't know how that's done you're a good person, and if you do... I'm glad you go to meetings), I find that the call is distant, and I am not terribly tempted.  A blessing and a Hand intervening in that, I imagine.

Instead after work I spent time with a sponsee, and when they asked how I was doing I told them -- no one is helped when a sponsor pretends to be anything other than an alcoholic with their own struggles.

I came home and, thinking about the day, and replaying the conversation with the sponsee, remembered this piece below.  It's been about a year since it has appeared here on Mr. SP.  Attributed to Mother Theresa, there is some question as to its actual origin.  I don't care who wrote it.  Rereading it was just what I needed:

 

People are often unreasonable, irrational and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.

Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.

Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.

Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today will often be forgotten.

Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.

 

do nothing for 2 minutes

 

 

 

 

Do Nothing for 2 Minutes

 

 

 

If you have time to breathe

 

 

If you have time to breathe,

you have time to meditate.

-- Ajahn Chah