Sometimes it is tough to look at -- sometimes it is truly a bitter insight -- how I can occasionally do just enough work to leave me in a tolerable level of pain, rather than do the Real Work and live in true peace.
And I've come to believe my "pain" -- be it real, imagined or (most likely) self-manufactured -- is a gateway drug to self obsession.
And oh my God do I love to live there sometimes.
Because if I'm thinking about my pain (drama!) I'm thinking about -- obsessing about -- me.
Less and less over time, but it's still a pattern. Still a part of me.
Still sometimes a sick twist to my spirit.
"...God... relieve me of the bondage of self...".