The Professor and I had gone to a Meeting, then out to dinner, and then back to his house to watch a BBC detective show we'd both been following. He had been kind enough to record the last several episodes for me. In keeping with the theme, rather than after dinner coffee we were enjoying some tea while the drama unfolded onscreen.
The PROFESSOR: So do you know who the killer is?
Mr. SPONSORPANTS: Well, I've got it narrowed down to a few suspects...
I laid out my theories and he was suitably impressed.
PROF: You're good at this!
Mr. SP: My mother was a great one for mysteries. And westerns. You already know who did it though, don't you.
PROF: Yes, I cheated, I've already watched the end. But I want to watch it again to see what clues I missed.
The Detective Inspector prowled the seashore, checking alibis and searching for answers. Suspects were eliminated. One -- easily identified as the Red Herring in the story -- died as a result of scandal uncovered during the investigation. The little town paused to mourn, and most turned out to attend the funeral.
Mr. SP: Have you ever thought about your funeral?
The Professor barked a laugh.
PROF: That, and the AA Memorial.
Now it was my turn to chuckle.
Mr. SP: What's that old joke about the alcoholic's ego? "At the wedding we all want to be the bride and at the funeral we all want to be the corpse." Do you have any specific instructions for your service?
PROF: No, not really. The school would probably do something too.
I nodded and sipped my tea. During the funeral onscreen the town's Pastor scolded the community for their judgments of the deceased and each other.
PROF: What about you?
Mr. SP: Hmm?
PROF: A lot of specific instructions for your memorial, some day?
Mr. SP: A few, I suppose.
PROF: Burial or cremation?
He looked at me over the lip of his mug as he took a sip. It didn't have the body of after-dinner coffee, but it was a very pleasant tea.
Mr. SP: Burial or Cremation? Neither!
PROF: Neither? Then what...?
Mr. SP: Taxidermy! By God, man, if you've got something to say about me at my Memorial then you can say it to my face!
I had half-way shouted this, as though leading a charge of troops over a hill; pounding the arm of my chair for emphasis.
The resultant spit take, in which The Professor's tea shot out of his mouth, was most satisfying.
I think a little came out of his nose too.
There is more sober silliness like this in "Mr. SponsorPants: Adventures in Sobriety and The 12 Steps for AA's and Others." Available as an eBook on Kindle via Amazon. Download a Kindle reader for free on any device or platform, from PC to Smartphone, and enjoy eBooks anywhere you have time to read.