Things I learned (or was reminded of) this week. An ongoing series.

 

 

A personal milestone this weekend:  My natal birthday.  One of "Those" Numbers.  Having been in AA for a long time now I've seen enough people die younger than they ought to feel that it drifts into sacrilege if I bemoan getting older.  But as I've written here before, milestones have an effect on us; at the very least they trigger no little bit of reflection.  This year, more than others, I've been thoughtful and (to be honest) a little upside down about the whole thing -- more vulnerable to looking at the distances between where I seem to be and where I thought I might be, in all arenas.  If expectations are my dreams with a deadline and a specific self-will-driven outcome, the dreams themselves are good things; part of the human experience and maybe even sometimes Divinely Inspired. 

(Though it is a delicate balance between compassionate self examination and maudlin self reflection.  This I know for sure.)

With all that said, I thought, wrote and prayed a lot today.  This is what I came up with:

 

If I have any strength at all, it is because I have admitted -- and embraced -- the depth of my weakness.

If fear rarely holds me back now, it is because I have grown familiar with its clammy fist around my heart, learned to name it for the illusion that it is, and to see past it to the ongoing truth of God's gentle Hand at work in my life.

If I have any wisdom at all, it is because I have sometimes been so very (very) foolish, and then been as honest as I could be about my ham-handed egotistical clowning with the people whom I trust and can learn from.

And if I have any real joy in my life today, it is because AA has taught me how utterly, ultimately useless it is to focus overmuch on myself (my petty score keeping and my vain advertising-slogan-based self judgments), and instead to constantly look for ways I can be of service to others, and continue to seek a conscious contact with a Power -- so far beyond my limited understanding -- Greater than myself.

 

 

Comments

[dAAve]

Happy birthday, Mr S.P.

[Syd]

Hope that you had a good birthday. Your message is a good one.

[Luna]

Happy BellyButton B'day!

Wonderful post...thank you.

[Gay-in-AA]

Happy birthday Mr. S. you are a gift to me. I check your blog every day and your share has become a big part of my program. I recently had 15 months and your blog has challenged and taught me as much as my sponsor has.

Love

GIA

[Serenity]

Happy Natal BD, Mr. Sponsorpants. Today I celebrate 26 years of sobriety and I am truly grateful. Today's post perfectly describes why, esp the paragraph about discovering the illusion of fear and the power of knowing the truth of God's hand in it all. Love your blog - maybe because I always agree with you. :)

[Orbus]

Happy Birthday Mr SP and many more milestones to come.

[Ivan Toblog]

Thanks, Mr SP, for reminding me that it's about seeking the conscious contact with the HP, not just the acknowledgement of the HP.

[REBECCA]

MR. SPONSORPANTS. I AM NOT EVEN A MEMBER OF THE "FELLOWSHIP" MY HUSBAND IS THOUGH AND I FOUND THIS SIGHT WHEN TRYING TO FIND THINGS TO HELP HIM AND I FIND THIS HELPS ME JUST AS MUCH SO I THANK YOU. AND HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY.

[A "Would Not" who Did]

Wow. Happy birthday, my friend. And you are.

I am elated that God has blessed you (and us) with another year of life. That you have blessed us with your experience, strength, and hope.

You hit it on the head again today. Thank you. I will copy, print, and post the later part of your thoughts today in other places. You have no idea how many people you bless each day.

And maybe, just maybe, that is as it should be.

A great big hug from me to you.

:-)

[Opheliasmom]

Happy Birthday Mr. Sponsorpants. I am a grateful Al-Anon member, and I find your words as inspirational as my own meetings. Thank You.

[Daisy Anon]

Happy Birthday Mr SP and may you have many more to share with us here. Thank you.