Cracked me up.
But I was reminded recently of when I was newly sober, and people would come back from a relapse and list -- either in conversation or when they shared -- "why" they drank. My dead sponsor (he's who's wise counsel I miss every single day) would lean over to me and whisper, "Bullshit. They drank because they're an alcoholic." Needless to say I would be scandalized and hope that no one heard his rude remark. He was wise, but towards the end he was extra salty.
I was then (and am now) of two minds on that subject. On the one hand, I think it can be useful to perform an "autopsy" on a relapse. (Apt choice or words; if you don't perform one on the relapse someone may perform one on you, eh?). If, when people come back, rehab counselors and well-meaning AA's will ask "what are you going to do differently this time?" then it's fair to say that one should identify what they did/didn't do which let alcoholism roll that "curious mental fog" back in -- which fuzzes our thinking to a degree that makes picking up a drink acceptable (regardless of all the horrible things which happened before).
On the other hand, I think my dead sponsor was dead on. At the end of the day, we drink because we're alcoholics. We come up with a smoke screen of reasons either trivial or artificial, fueled by resentment or insanity (often both), but we pick up a drink because we have a disease which seduces and compels us to do so.
A disease from which I have only a daily reprieve -- and that only if I take regular doses of my AA "medicine." (That's my truth. If you have a different truth, that's great. Just because you're not on my path doesn't mean you're lost -- but if you're really an alcoholic, be careful. Sometimes our thinking is not to be trusted, and going it alone is like telling your doctor "Cancer? Ok. Thanks, but I can take care of it myself." Serious illness needs serious assistance in treating it).