a fairly saccharine way to start a post

 

 

So, I was thinking about miracles.

Which, even though this is a blog which talks a fair bit about God and doubt, disease and recovery, is a fairly saccharine way to start a post.

But there it is.

Sometimes the daily reprieve of my sobriety (by turns solid and then fragile) -- what we often refer to as a gift, or less often (but no less apt) God's Grace -- is such a breathtaking miracle that I cannot find a description which does it justice, be it in writing or when I share.  Lately it feels like the miracle is most clear to me in those times when I can "hear" in my head -- virtually simultaneously -- the alcoholic thought and the sober, spiritually driven one.  It's like my own personal George Baily moment; to see what I am like with the influence of a Higher Power and Alcoholics Anonymous in my life, and also see what I am like without it (and it's so easy to extrapolate from those "without it" moments the larger, grimmer picture of who, how and where I might be in life with active addiction driving me.  The greater fear is not that I would be dead -- oh no.  It is that I would keep limping along, and be some sad, sick, twisted version of myself.)

Sometimes I see the miracle I have -- the miracle I am -- when I get a glimpse of the man I might be without it.

 

 

Comments

[dAAve]

Miracles, yes.
Especially those steps that lead down from a simple piece of luggage.

[Luna]

Amen. Love those before & after pictures. I also love those who remember and talk to me about those "early days." It's hard not to get saccarine