For the past few days at work people have been asking me, in various ways, "why?"
A teenager that worked for me was shot and killed. A good kid. A very good kid. No gang stuff or any of the usual questions and assumptions which might come to mind.
One of the teen's parents also works for me -- which might sound odd, but in the restaurant industry I'm finding some things function very differently. In some communities, if someone finds a good gig with a good company, they recommend other family members. It's not nepotism, they're not in charge of hiring and firing just
Oh who cares about that shit a good kid is dead.
My team at the store is reeling and you can add Grief Counselor to my job description.
When people sincerely ask me "why" I've shared my beliefs, shaped by AA, without getting into AA stuff -- they don't need any of that. When people ask me "why" but it seems a rhetorical question, I just leave them alone. Some need an ear, some need to process on their own -- or with someone else. I'm keenly aware that my brand is not for everyone.
There is tragedy every day. Carnage and injustice on much greater scales.
But that knowledge is an abstract, as good and as caring as I/we try to be. This is personal, horrible and specific.
All I know how to do, what AA taught me, is to deal with my feelings and thoughts, then be of service in any way to those around me. AA doesn't own that, it's just the way I best learned how to do that.
The parent is shattered. I am holding their job for them -- which makes some things very complicated, operationally, but I can handle that.
The past few days have been very brief posts because of this. I couldn't write about it here before now, because I was dealing with it all day, and didn't have it in me to then come home and bring it to the blog, as helpful as it has been over the years to share candidly about whatever I was dealing with here.
Tomorrow morning is the Mass and the funeral, and I will be attending before going in to work.
Life is hard, and a mystery, and having Faith at times like these can be both a great comfort and a terrible question mark, by turns.
I put one foot in front of the other.
I take the next indicated step.
I do my job and make an effort to be personally and professionally helpful to those around me, whenever and however I can.
There's really not much more to say on it tonight, is there.