Shooters -- Quick shots from Meetings

 

"I thought for a long time that boundaries were like rules I made for other people to follow.  But I never really had much luck in getting people to do what I think they should do.  It wasn't till I came to AA that I learned that boundaries are really agreements I make with myself.  It's the commitment I make to myself about what I will do if a particular situation happens again -- whether it's with the same person over and over, or the same situation but with different people.  The boundary is the agreement I make with myself, not a rule for them.  And it doesn't always have to be a big exit or something.  It can be as simple as a smile and changing the subject.  But my boundaries never started becoming firm until I learned that they weren't about making other people do -- or not do -- something.  It was about what I would do -- or not do.  When I got that, that's when my boundaries started working.  That's when they became real.  And I got better."

Comments

[shanachie]

This is good. Very good. Just what I needed to read. Thanks for sharing.

[JessieR]

OMG This is a great reflection to have started my day with.

I'm becoming aware of so much yucky selfishness in me in this area!

Thank you again! This blog continues to be a great touchstone of wisdom!

[Jayne Dough]

Dude! I've read great (and funny) AA wisdom, but I hadn't thought of this as a place for an awesome CoDA/-Anon message.

Thanks!

[Annie Mouse]

while my mo is still to do the big exit, i finally got the fact that it's about me and not them. that will make it easier to smile before it gets to the slammin' door! And yes, it is workin' for me. and I am gettin' better. Thanks for your wisdom.

[Claire]

I've been really struggling with this. It is becoming very clear that healthy boundary setting is not one of my strong suits. I struggle to even know what one is. This helps a lot.

Many thanks.