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June 01, 2010

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Elliot H

I love your answer as this is an issue I have been struggling with as of late. I have begun my amends process and some have been less than well received to say the least so I've had to ask myself what I'm doing wrong. Asking the other person what I can do to make things right is an important part of the step I was missing. Otherwise the "amend" is at risk of coming off as a mini step 5: me confessing my wrongs and then mumbling sorry afterward. Not, I believe, the intention of step 9 at all. While it may not be explicitly stated in the Big Book - one dictionary definition I found of "amend" is "to correct faults, to make right". Simply offering an apology does not make things right in my opinion.

the other cj

Your response makes a lot of sense to me. But it reminds me how, very early on in recovery, I was told frequently & repeatedly that "These are only suggestions, but you should treat them like you are a drowning person being thrown a life preserver, with a suggestion that you hold on to it." I was very frightened of doing things "wrong." I knew that some of the things I was being told weren't right for me, and thankfully I had a number of people with good long-term sobriety around me to help sort through everything. I was told that "my own best thinking got me" into treatment, but I don't really believe that. The disease of addiction, and my spiritual condition got me into treatment--my best thinking (and some luck, and maybe God) kept me alive and out of jail. My amends are going slowly because I am working through each with care and deliberation with my sponsor, and so far, so good.

Abhishek Recovering since 2yrs

Thanks , is an understatement , being in AA for almost two years , now I am getting serious , when I met with an accident , need to make serious amends to people I have really hurted .

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