Didn't plan it, but I guess it has unofficially become Phone Call Week here at Mr. SponsorPants.
MR. SP: Maybe you should just stop calling me.
FORMER SPONSEE: WHAT?!?
There are no words I could type here which conveys the spluttering indignation of that utterance.
FORMER SPONSEE: But... but ... you're supposed to...
MR. SP: Listen, you've been calling me for, what, close to 5 years? 8?FS: Probably 8, on and off, but...
MR: SP: Yeah, around 8 -- that sounds right. I have a lousy memory for time stuff like that.
FS: How can you say this? You're supposed to... you know.
MR. SP: What? Be an endless well of patience? Always always always be willing to talk about your stuff? You call a couple of times a month and we have the exact same conversation. You tell me about your great life and then about how dissatisfied you are, and ask me why you're so unhappy. I tell you it boils down to being a totally self-centered dry drunk with no Program going on, and I suggest you go to AA meetings and find people to work with to get out of yourself. You've got a ton of time, but you don't do shit in AA. I believe, and tell you every time you call, that that is the solution for you. But you don't want to go to meetings, and you only want to be of service to the "cool kids." And you're not even of service to them!
FS debates the point to some degree, and falls back on his best weapons, charm and humor, of which he has an abundance.
MR. SP: That's very funny, but I'm sick of having the same conversation. Aren't you?
Of course you're not, I think to myself, because it's a conversation about you. Uncharitable? Yes. Untrue? Probably not.
MR. SP: Look, the next time you want to call me and ask my take, just pretend you have. You know what I'm going to say -- I've been saying it for years now.
FS: Jesus, Mr. SponsorPants, that's really harsh.
MR. SP: I guess. But I gotta be honest, I'm worn out.
Former Sponsee hangs up. I suppose I should feel kind of guilty.
The truth is, I just feel relieved.