"Hey, are you okay with this?"
"Huh, oh, sure, yeah." But you're not.
TICK
"Are you still okay with this?"
"Me? Oh, yeah, it's cool. Sure." But it's not.
TICK
"And are you okay with ... this?"
"Yeah ... yeah, I guess so. I'm okay with that." Still not.
TICK
"Great. Good. Glad this doesn't bother you."
"Nope, not at all." Liar.
TICK
"Okay. Cool. Then it's okay if I ..."
"NO!"
BOOM!
"NO! And you know what else? You always ..." (expletive laden rant, completely out of proportion to the situation, follows, often then used as justification for punishing, self-destructive behavior, up to and including relapse.)
____________________________________________________________
Lot's of people do this to themselves -- and by "this" I mean pretend they're okay with something when they're really not. And whether it's from people-pleasing or fear of confrontation or a reflexive/defensive habit of going along with things or a hundred other variations on the theme, it's hardly a problem unique to 12 Steppers, regardless of your flavor.
But alcoholics, addicts and alanons ... we do Boom very, very badly.
It's vital that people in recovery who have this as an ingrained habit (character defect) find a way to speak up after only a few ticks of the timebomb.
Sometimes I think the whole 12 Step process can be summed up as Boom Prevention.
Pow!
Posted by: Dave | March 24, 2010 at 03:49 AM
OMG! I'm grinning wickedly at how you nailed it. Guilty as charged.
Posted by: Julianne | March 24, 2010 at 07:24 AM
I'm with Julianne, definite grins at how dead on you are.
SN: I wonder if you would be interested in doing a guest blog for our recovery website. We want to do a series showcasing bloggers for Alcohol Awareness Month. I'll email you with the deets but I just wanted to say I personally hope you are interested.
Posted by: Sobriety Diva | March 24, 2010 at 08:14 AM
I am learning to speak up for myself in relationships. I have no problem in other arenas. Sometimes I am brutally honest which is the other extreme.
Posted by: Syd | March 24, 2010 at 08:49 AM
Is there a hidden camera somewhere around here? Thanks and have a good one!
Posted by: Chitowngreg | March 24, 2010 at 09:19 AM
Thank you!
Posted by: Jessie R. | March 24, 2010 at 11:52 AM
Good stuff!
Posted by: Marie | March 24, 2010 at 01:54 PM