"Hey, are you okay with this?"
"Huh, oh, sure, yeah." But you're not.
"Are you still okay with this?"
"Me? Oh, yeah, it's cool. Sure." But it's not.
"And are you okay with ... this?"
"Yeah ... yeah, I guess so. I'm okay with that." Still not.
"Great. Good. Glad this doesn't bother you."
"Nope, not at all." Liar.
"Okay. Cool. Then it's okay if I ..."
"NO! And you know what else? You always ..." (expletive laden rant, completely out of proportion to the situation, follows, often then used as justification for punishing, self-destructive behavior, up to and including relapse.)
Lot's of people do this to themselves -- and by "this" I mean pretend they're okay with something when they're really not. And whether it's from people-pleasing or fear of confrontation or a reflexive/defensive habit of going along with things or a hundred other variations on the theme, it's hardly a problem unique to 12 Steppers, regardless of your flavor.
But alcoholics, addicts and alanons ... we do Boom very, very badly.
It's vital that people in recovery who have this as an ingrained habit (character defect) find a way to speak up after only a few ticks of the timebomb.
Sometimes I think the whole 12 Step process can be summed up as Boom Prevention.