Wormtongue strikes again

SPONSEE:  Do you know Wormtongue?

MR. SPONSORPANTS: <carefully neutral>  Yes.

SPONSEE:  I was talking with them the other day.

MR. SP:  Oh?

SPONSEE:  Yes.  You know I've been feeling disconnected from AA these past couple of weeks.  Just ... I don't know, a lot of questions again, about if it's right for me after all these years, if it's still right for me today even if it was right for me before... all that.

MR. SP:  I understand.  You have more than fifteen years sober and a lot of AA under your belt.  I've had my share of those times myself over the years.  I think they're fair questions to ask along the way -- but when I did, I found it pretty fruitful to consider how and why they were comin' up.

SPONSEE:  I was talking to Wormtongue about it.

<silence for several minutes.  Mr. SponsorPants sips his coffee and focuses on his breathing>

SPONSEE:  Don't you want to know what they said?

MR. SP:  <carefully neutral>  Sure.

SPONSEE:  Well, you know Wormtongue's more than 20 years sober.

MR. SP:  <thinks to himself:  How can I not know.  How can anyone not know.  They mention it every single time they freakin' share.>  Yes.  I know.

SPONSEE:  I was talking to them about all my stuff lately, and they said that maybe what I'm finally seeing is that most people in meetings only focus on the problems.  All that talk about being sick.  Lots of negative reinforcement.

MR. SP:  'What you're finally seeing.'  Interesting turn of phrase...  <takes deep calming breath>  I can't speak for the meetings Wormtongue goes to, we're not really in the same orbit.  For myself, I have to remember what my dead sponsor told me a long time ago.

SPONSEE:  Are you just going to tell me, or do I have to ask?

MR. SP:  <laughs> I'll tell.  He said if you don't hear what you need to hear in a meeting, then raise your damn hand and say it.  After about 90 days there's not a person in the room who can't at least begin to share some solutions.

SPONSEE:  When did he die?

MR. SP:  Oh God, years ago now.  You know I ...

SPONSEE: ... miss his wise counsel every single day.  Yes, you've mentioned that. 

MR. SP:  What is this "negative reinforcement" Wormtongue was talking about?

SPONSEE:  Oh, well, like if you get up and say at a meeting that you're having a really hard time, and things are all messed up in your life, you get lots of attention for that, but if you get up and say you're doing pretty well now, and you have fairly healthy relationships with your family or your partner or whoever, you don't really get any response.  They suggested I try it and see for myself.

MR. SP:  Did they now.

SPONSEE: Yeah. That's what they suggested.

MR. SP:  That's not a suggestion, that's a set up.  Telling you what something might mean if it happens is setting you up to look for it -- maybe even create it, somewhat.  It gives you a filter...

<Mr. SponsorPants takes a long moment to make sure he doesn't start losing his cool>

MR. SP:  I have some thoughts on their comments I'd like to share with you.

SPONSEE:  That's why I'm here.  It's not for your coffee.

MR. SP:  I make excellent coffee -- I just happen to like it strong.

SPONSEE:  Strong?  That's not strong, that's practically an amphetamine in six counties.  Anyway, your thoughts on Wormtongue's comments, oh Sponsorial One?

MR. SP:  You go into an Emergency Room with a big lump on your head and bleeding, and you say, "I just drove into a tree!"  people will -- hopefully -- jump up and help you.  You go into an ER all fine and you say, "I was driving along, and I missed hitting that tree, I finally figured out how to negotiate that treacherous turn."  A few people may give you congratulatory smiles or something, but you don't need them to jump up and help you, since you're okay.  So of course the response is different when people are troubled in meetings -- that's what we're there for:  To help.  Sure, it also helps to affirm and congratulate, but why would we make a big show of that? 

SPONSEE:  Hmmm. Okay.

MR. SP:  <beginning to get a little heated>  And what is going on with that anyway?  There is a point where you do not go to the meeting for your pat on the head.  It's a purely selfish stance to go to the meeting and share something and then decide that not enough people congratulated you for whatever you had to say.  And you know what else?  <voice rising>

SPONSEE:  <calmly>  What else?

MR. SP:  Could it possibly BE more alcoholic to expect a reward for doing something right or being healthy?  I mean, my god!  It's like, if you show up at work on time all week, you don't deserve a trophy, you're supposed to show up on time all week!  If you don't have a lot of sickness in your life or unhealthy relationships that's a testament to working the 12 Steps and trying to live the principles in your life, not some kind of 'Hey look how healthy I am!' moment for you to crow about and then get stroked for in meetings!  And another thing! I hear people offer solutions, and speak about the promises coming true, and recovery and ... and ... positive healthy things all the time!  You would think after 20 years sober someone might ...

<at this point sponsee can barely contain their mirth and starts laughing outright>

MR. SP:  Oh my god, you ... you ... you set me up!

SPONSEE:  <laughing>  Absolutely.  But you did really well there for a while, Mr. SponsorPants.  I commend you.

MR. SP:  Oh. You are SO dead.

<sponsee laughs long and hard>

MR. SP:  Happy now?

SPONSEE:  Oh yes.  That was thoroughly enjoyable.  But you didn't turn red this time.  I must be losing my touch.

MR. SP:  Out!  You are banished from the Kingdom of SponsorPants for the rest of the day.  Out!

<sponsee sticks out tongue and sails out the door laughing>

Comments

[Ali]

Thank you Mr SP!

[Steve E]

Thank you, Mr SPONSEE!

[Ed G.]

Good one...

I love this...

Blessings and aloha...

[Syd]

Self congratulatory sharings happen in Al-Anon too. The ego is rampant everywhere!

[Vee]

LOL - this is too funny. There is a big issue in Los Angeles with people waxing eloquent for eons. Some meetings actually now use timers to stop people after 5 minutes - yet they ignore it and still keep talking. Then they look around to see all the wonderful reactions to their brilliant speech. I once said to someone who couldn't understand why I stopped going to a particular meeting - I said, it is over 2 hours long, which is totally unnecessary. She said, oh, but everyone needs a chance to talk. Uh, really? Sometimes people need to just listen.

[Anon]

City where I live, most meetings last an hour. Some lunch time meetings are 45 minutes. Most meetings have a group conscience that a share not go over 3 minutes and either a timer or a secretary will cut you off. No more "Big Mouth Strikes Again!" xoxo