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September 18, 2009

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Dave

Oddly enough, that same guy appears at our clubhouse too. The good news is that his appearances are rare.

Girl About Beantown

"and the difference between judgment that leads to character assassination versus judgment that identifies spiritual sickness."

SO important, great way to put that.

Also, the "BB" thing is hysterical.

Ed G.

Been there, seen that, learned the same lessons - many times...

Nicely shared.

A friend used to say: "If you haven't ever been to a bad AA meeting, you're not getting to enough meetings."

Blessings and aloha...

Syd

I had to laugh at this one. He makes some Al-Anon meetings too.

Cori

hmmm, judgement is judgement, period. You can wrap it up in a shiny bow and call it what you will but it's still judgement. You were exposed to him for what, an hour? And you were able to judge him as spiritually sick?

It's way less interesting to me that he was playing with his iPhone and chatting during the meeting than the fact that you couldn't stop looking at him.

I could be way off base here but it seems to me that you were ticked because he isn't a 'real AA'er', that he has 20 yrs sober without going to meetings or being of service. He obviously takes what he needs and leaves the rest. Or maybe it all boils down to him not being a 'real alcoholic'. I hear that one a lot from fellow 12 steppers when someone gets and stays sober outside of the program.

Just my two cents.....

Mr. SponsorPants

Cori, you're right, there IS something going on with me that I could not just detach and refocus on the meeting, rather than keep paying attention to Mr. 20+. It's something that I need to consider carefully -- no one asked me to be the "meeting behavior police" -- I struggle with the challenge of not being a martyr or a bleeding deacon a lot in AA. I do think it's fair to say that if other people have sat and patiently, attentively listened to you, as the group did (really, they did) there's something ... rude? arrogant? self entitled? ... about not doing the same in kind.
I don't think you're "way off base" exactly, I welcome tough questions and challenging observations, but yes, I do think it is selfish to take all the help you need when you're new and then not stick around to help others as you were helped. Yes, sometimes it makes me angry. After all, if the room was empty when he walked into it he (perhaps) wouldn't have the life he is so fond of today.
And I think perhaps we're at a word tangle, when it comes to the term "judgment" -- being non-judgmental, which I strive to be (and perhaps no one can completely achieve) doesn't mean (for me) that I do not use my intellect to discern healthy from unhealthy, charitable from selfish, dry from sober, etc. And come on, if you take the whole scenario out of the 12 Step environment, talking while other people who listened to you are then taking their turn to speak is rude by pretty much any yardstick. I'm not saying he isn't a "real alcoholic" -- on the contrary, the arrogance and selfishness he displayed brands him wholly as an alkie in my book -- I'm just saying he was an arrogant, rude jerk.
Okay, I went on a lot in this but I just had a dish of ice cream and I am having a MAJOR sugar rush LOL. Cheers! Thanks for the two cents!

joey Conklin

I'm with you, Sponsorpants. There was somebody there when I showed up all those years ago. AA saved my life and taught me how to change my life. Several years ago a woman showed up when her husband died, after no showing for the years they were married. She knew we'd be there to see her through her loss. What if we had played by the same rules she did -- that you get yours, and leave until you need more? It pissed me off that she was right: we were still there, still sober, because "our primary purpose is to stay sober and help .....". Sometimes getting p-oed helps me to realign my priorities, sort of cauterize an open wound, that I may or may not see for what it is. It's ok.
joey

JessieR

Isn't it great when people show up at just the right moment to show us how "off" the beam we are in some ways...

If it ain't AA it can't be right... or can it?

Many times I sit in open meetings and wonder why people aren't sharing AA, well DUH Jessie it's an open meeting, everyone is welcome and they don't say only people who are real alcoholics can talk.

Of course that also takes into account young arrogant whipper-snappers like me who think we know something when I DON'T ... the hard part is if I don't talk, I can't be corrected by the oldtimers who kick my butt and show me where experience changes the drama to humble acceptance and tolerance.

I'm more grateful today than I can express that there are old timers who are willing to sit in the meeting quietly, and then after I share something arrogant and stupid, they speak up, in a quiet and firm manner, and tear ME apart. Leaving the broken part to God to fix.

:)

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