No lie.

He was going to be ten years sober.

Although he had, at the end of his drug use, been a crazed, homeless mess, he had managed to get sober and stay clean for nine-plus years.  He was a "getting sober" buddy with one of my sponsees, which is how he came to be on my radar.

On March 16th he called my sponsee to announce he was "leaving the Program."  (Dramatic!)  He "wanted to use."  (To the new kids I would submit that only an addict has the grandiosity to believe that the decision to use drugs again requires some sort of press release.)  When my sponsee was telling me about this, I asked, "What kind of Program does this guy have?"  I don't want to misrepresent what my sponsee said in reply by trying to quote him exactly, but suffice to say he did not describe someone who was, in his 9th year, very active in AA.  Or NA.  Or CMA.  Or any A.  He was not, as the expression goes, "in the middle of the lifeboat."

According to my sponsee his getting-sober buddy said something like, "You know, it'll be okay if I just smoke a little pot.  And maybe drink a little.  Those weren't really my problem."

My sponsee, to his great credit, was having none of it.  While other people in this man's life (arguably not 12 Step friends but more "regular" friends) were somewhat blase' -- taking the easy, non-confrontational "metaphysical" stance, sort of "Well, we all have our own path" -- my sponsee let him have it, and was honest, direct and confrontational.  Privately he was upset -- shaken and angry and alarmed -- but to his early sobriety buddy he was rock solid recovery and calm, right-between-the-eyes rigorous honesty.

As March progressed and spring arrived my sponsee tried to both keep in touch and not engage -- a delicate balancing act.  "Why can't we hang out?  I feel like you're judging me.  I feel like you're shunning me."  was kind of what he got from his friend.  "You can meet me at a meeting." was pretty much what my sponsee kept coming back at him with.

May 16th -- two months later (to the day, please note) from that first phone call -- my sponsee got another call.  His friend was in the hospital.  "Smoke a little pot, maybe drink a little" had become "shoot a little prescription medication" -- shoot three times the suggested amount to ingest, actually -- and the delivery method for this drug was supposed to be oral, not intravenous.  But hey, why take the scenic route when you can ride the expressway?  Unfortunately he hit an artery, not a vein, and that, plus the kind of drug itself, and the amount of the drug ... things went wrong.  He drove himself to the ER.  "Something's wrong!  Something's wrong with my hand!"

Four of his fingers withered away, and at one point the diagnosis was dry gangrene.

He was in the hospital for 30 days.

He had those four fingers amputated, down to about the second knuckle or so on each finger.
Good news!  He kept the thumb.

Out of the hospital, on a fair amount of pain medication, he's been slowly going back to some meetings.

We try to take into account the medication, the trauma, the guilt, the ism -- but even so, it is hard to believe that just the other day he actually said to my sponsee, "You know, I've been thinking ... maybe I can still smoke a little pot."

No lie.

Draw your own conclusions.

Comments

[Dave]

I'm glad I "got it".

[Always Carol]

There is no underestimating the disease, is there?

[Nancy L]

Thank you for this story. I thought about some others who have decided to "go back out" over the years however, to be reminded of my perception in the beginning of my recovery to after a few 24 hours where i may still have some mental twists to my thinking, that today, Im not holding a shot of booze in one hand and a phone with my nubby hand saying, its fun again! And of course I have those moments when allowing myself to be directed by character defects seems to be an option then hear that still quiet voice (sometimes very loud) reminding me that seperation myself from the sunlight of the Spirit can be a moment away. Thanks

[Robin Dielman]

I get this and have seen exactly the same thing with a girl i used to sponser. I always suggest "staying in the middle of the herd" and not on the edges where you can be picked off by a predator.
She thought I was too harsh when I told her what I experienced for 15 years on the gunwales of the lifeboat and not in the middle and she fired me, got high, ended up with a piece of crack pipe in her finger and 3 hospitalizations later, lost that finger! She was sure she would never use again; look at the reminder she had every day, right? She held onto just a couple of her old ideas and attitudes and guess what? Yep! She did it again. I know all about that (15 years of it) and I choose today to stay in the middle of the herd! My friend is alot closer to the middle than she used to be but chooses not to "clean house" and stays pretty miserable. I choose not to tell her what I think or see because she only thinks I am being judgemental. It is God's job and her job to take care of her and I know the joy and peace of mind I have gotten from "Trust God, Clean house and Help others"! Hope it dien't take her 15 years to get it.