At my men's stag meeting tonight a nice young man (though they all seem young to me now I'm afraid) who's had a hard time getting past 30 days clean and sober (this is his third go-round, I believe) shared an amusing anecdote about a situation in which he felt the unmanageability of his life was rubbed in his face.
He summed up by saying "When I doubt that my life can be unmanageable I'll be certain it is when I remember today."
I wanted to shout and pound the table.
"If! IF! That's the whole point and the whole problem. It's not when you remember ... it's IF you remember!"
That's what we are working against, at the heart of it. The fact that sometimes we actually (and sometimes willfully) don't remember the most basic, painful and powerful facts about our alcoholism.
"Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind ... " -- "Alcoholics Anonymous" (AA's Big Book) Chapter 2, 'There Is A Solution,' pg. 23.
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago." -- Big Book, Chapter 2, pg. 24
And the "if" is inevitable for a real alcoholic.
Therein is one of the most important reasons I continue to come to AA meetings -- it keeps me from falling victim to the "if."