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August 21, 2008


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WOW! I loved this. Thank you. 6 yrs-Smyna GA-HOW Place. Erica E.


That was exactly what I needed too read today. I dont feel so alone in my thinking and now I will let go. THANKYOU

wycliffe ombati

wow that as let me not to lose hope


Mr. Sponsorpants, you've helped me again... have a sponsee who keeps drinking and I so much want to help her. I simply don't know what to do or what else to try. It's ego that drives me to want to "save" her... I need to let her go and allow God to work in her life. No, I don't want her to die, but "no human power" can stop her from drinking, least of all me. Thanks...


this is EXACTLY what i needed to read tonight. thank you soooo much.


thank you. your words came in the nick of time. i appreciate your words which were an answer to a prayer.


I needed to read this tonight. I fear I have been failing two women I sponsor by not holding them accountable in the steps and they are in bad spiritual condition...dry like kindling.

We are far past the point of my suggestions calling them to action. One I asked to get another sponsor tonight.

Kelly Reed

I am 10 months sober and decided to change sponsors. She & I attend the same women's meeting. After I changed, I felt guilty in front of her. Did I hurt her feelings? I have heard people change sponsors, do the sponsors feel like they have let the sponsee down? How should I feel.


I just say to myself or them " go get done" and then go to alanon. I'm powerless. The book says we move on to people who really want to work the program. Nuff said

Phoebe in California (4.5 yrs abstinent in OA; 18 mo in Al-Anon)

This post is still working its magic. Exactly what I needed tonight in the aftermath of being "fired" by a sponsee. So much good stuff in here. Thank you for leaving it up.


I had to have the directions as outlined in AAs Big Book first, to have something to pass on to a Sponsee. Then I could feel confident that I was doing everything I could for them.

The directions I have cause the Sponsee to have a spiritual awakening as I did. If I'm not sure I had it then I probably didn't -- it can't be explained and it's not knowledge.

I also am still not a perfect sponsor. I have been a bit codependent in the past but didn't cause harm.

My sponsor however REALLY hurt me -- she used me to get herself a boyfriend and I won't go into how she did it -- it was very sick behavior and she never cleaned it up.

I still outgrew her quickly later on and someday she will see how futile her actions were. For now she had to love with the guilt remorse and fear of being caught...not worth the boyfriend.

So I learn from everyone.

I also have never not appreciated the help she did give me - I am just careful to share with only those who are mature and selfless enough to be trusted.


I've never done this before but I don't know what else to do at this point..
My sponsor moved here from another part of the state maybe 6 months ago. She openly admits she pulled a geographical to "run" from problems up there.. She has 4 yrs sober & I have a mere 42 days. She has not gotten a new sponsor, her old one is still guiding her through the miles. The past few weeks she has been venting to me that she wants to move back, that she has been craving alcohol again, a few days had gone by without me hearing from her & she told me she just about checked herself into an asylum, just the whole dynamic of our "sponsorship relationship" has drastically changed & I almost feel in a way that our roles have been switched. I have been getting some direction (from God or gut, I don't know???) to maybe explore some new avenues regarding a sponsor & spiritual adviser. I definitely have an attachment to her because she is the only person that I have been able to get this far with.. It's taken me 10 yrs to put the time together that I have now. I understand we all go through ups & downs but I don't want to make any mistakes or jeopardize my sobriety in any way. I know that misery loves company, that I cannot save the world (especially at 42 days sober), & that my disease wants me DEAD. So I don't know.. Help. Please. I need to hear it how it is, whether it be something I want to hear or not. Thank you all & may God bless you always :)


Well I read and try to meditate. This is what comes to me? As A Sponsee? If my decision is to not work with my Sponsor because it just don't feel ? . . ? Comfortable like we're equals , And I feel belittled even attacked spiritually..
I need to call him and say,

( THANKS For getting me this far , I am going to find another (Volunteer) To guide my the rest of the way.)... You have been very helpful getting me exactly where I need to be.)


Mr Sponsorpants, I really hope this all worked out OK for you. Thank you so, so, so much for sharing this story. Thank you for the bit about lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. Thank you for the connection. I don't know whether you helped your sponsee, but you helped this alcoholic a ton. All the best. Claire

john Lyons

Thanks for this sharing. As I approach my 80th birthday I still "tell other people to stop telling other people what to do" sigh. But, I have almost 24s years and I shouldd make it through the day. I often. Get on my high horse about 'bossy ness" with sponsors yet many people are successful because of tough love. Qnyway have a good one. John


When I was about six months sober, I had a period where I did not call my sponsor for about a month. I may have left a voicemail or two when I knew she was working just so I could say I called, but I greatly reduced my meetings and was more or less MIA to my network. During that time, I made several questionable choices (?!) that, fortunately, led me back to my program instead of back to Evan Williams. The aftermath of that time resulted in a great push toward actual recovery.

That's how it played out for me, but I know that the scales could have easily tipped the other way. They didn't - I think in large part because, although I was full of shame and fear of rejection, AA was just as I left it when I tiptoed back in. Nobody gasped, they just invited me out to the same coffee shops.

My sponsor later told me that she was worried during that time that she was not an effective sponsor for me. She said I continued to sound dark and hopeless for months and that she thought I was not hearing her message. MY recollection was totally different. I heard her loud and clear. I needed to exhaust myself. When I finally did, all her words and patience had been building up for good use.


Wow. Thank you for this. I am currently doing nothing in response to a situation with a sponsee, and incredibly relieved to see that an experienced sponsor does this, too (based on advice from another experienced sponsor!).

It is so hard to do nothing! Harder yet to stop my inner monkey from saying "do something! do something! do something!"

I firmly believe more will be revealed. Now I"m gonna go pray. Thank you, Mr SP.


Let me offer a heart-felt 'thank you' for this post.

A 'pigeon' called last night, requesting that I come over right away, 'cause he needed to talk. By the time I got there, his car was gone. A bit of phone tag later, and I find he's in a run-down motel... and strung out.

At this moment, it is reassuring to know that other sponsors have felt the same emotions as I. Thank you.

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