Make sure you're solving the right problem -- Make sure you're solving the real problem -- Part 1

Sometimes I need extreme examples, things put in black and white.  It lets me compare the shades of gray I encounter in my life against those extreme examples and see exactly where my character defects, my character assets, my alcoholism, my recover and my fluency with AA's Steps and the tools of recovery fall on the scale.   

Plus, it does me no good to apply the tools of recovery to a problem if I first haven't used the tools of recovery to divine what the real problem actually is.

   

So let's say you know a young woman.  Let's call her ... ummm ... Dumpling.

Dumpling regularly gets in relationships with mean men.  They are sarcastic and unkind and do not treat her with respect.  Dumpling has a big breakthrough one day, and realizes that she has a pattern of getting into abusive relationships.

Is Dumpling's solution to never get in a relationship again?  Is the problem relationships?  Is the problem relationships with abusive men?

   

Let's say you know a young man.  Let's call him ... ummm ... Pepperoni.

Pepperoni regularly goes online and spends way too much money on books and clothes and nicks and nacks.  His online spending is beginning to get in the way of paying real and serious bills like his car payment and rent, etc.

Is Pepperoni's solution never to go online again?  Is the problem that Pepperoni doesn't make enough money?  Is the problem the websites Pepperoni visits?

   

Let's say you know a little dog named ... ummm ... Kippy.

Kippy regularly eats all the food in his bowl, all the food in the other pets' bowls, and any food he can scrounge, plus the occasional expensive loafer or tv remote.  Kippy's weight is getting really out of control.

Is Kippy's solution to never eat again?  Is Kippy's solution to rely on someone else to control his food for him?  Is the problem that Kippy is always hungry?

   

   

   

Comments

[recovering jezebel]

I keep laughing about Scarlett in the turnip field, as God is my witness, even as I read and re-read this and try to figure out the answer to the questions.

I still don't know what Kippy should do. It doesn't seem like any of the answers suggested by the questions are the right ones. I mean, Kippy's not really hungry qua hungry...he's bingeing. Dumpling's problem is, yeah, the relationships with abusive men, but isn't it more accurately why she chooses those relationships?

All of which I guess means I just need to do my own Step Four on why I keep winding up with active addicts who lie to me and treat me worse than Sherman ever treated Atlanta.