and those who decide that they'll die if they're not perfect,
so they don't try at all.
Both often wind up alone,
as the former pushes
and the latter
pulls away from people.
But you know what?
You don't have to be perfect.
You don't owe perfection to anyone.
You don't owe perfection to your spouse or your boss or your kids or
the bully-ghosts you keep conjuring
in your mind and
for whom you perform some kind of
kabuki theater of failure,
Realizing and admitting that you don't have to be perfect
does not equal quitting.
It does not mean
you're not going to keep trying
or at least the best you can manage at the time.
(What the hell is anyone's "best" anyway? Always trying till you're at the point of absolute pain and exhaustion? Who can live like that? Who even really wants to? You don't have to feel like you're supposed to any more.)
Charming sober New Zealand blogger, Mrs. D, started her online writing journey as so many of us do... tentative and unsure of whether she had anything to say, hoping that writing about it would actually help her sobriety, and eventually wondering -- praying even -- that anything written and published online could maybe, possibly, be of help to someone else.
Well she did have something to say, it did help her sobriety, and it has gone on to help many others as well.
Sitting in a meeting once I heard it said that all any of us have are our stories; that sharing them was both medicine and obligation, and in fact it would be fair to say that the whole damn sober 12 Step deal started in just such a fashion.
Mrs. D blogged her experience getting sober, and ultimately her story, and it indeed was Good Medicine, for both herself and now many others.
And as is the wonderful way of these things, some book people in New Zealand found her and suggested she take her online writing and collect it into something they could publish... so she did and then they did! Her book shares the title of her wonderful blog, "Mrs D is Going Without."
"Mrs D is Going Without" is as warm and accessible and witty as the lady herself, and for those interested in a hard copy it can be ordered via the internet here or here.