"Disasturbation: The practice, usually while sitting alone, of creating detailed mental scenarios involving failure, negativity or personal humiliation. While disasturbation often triggers fear and (potentially) depression, it also offers a perverse pleasure for alcoholics as it is one more way for them to spend great lengths of time thinking about themselves."
I must have laughed for five solid minutes when I heard this at a meeting this morning.
The most important point is to accept yourself and stand on your own two feet.
Emotionally we have many problems, but these problems are not actual problems; they are something created; they are problems pointed out by our own self-centered ideas or views.
A mind full of preconceived ideas, subjective intentions, or habits is not open to things as they are.
Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer.
Everything is perfect and there is always room for improvement.
Sometimes it is tough to look at -- sometimes it is truly a bitter insight -- how I can occasionally do just enough work to leave me in a tolerable level of pain, rather than do the Real Work and live in true peace.
And I've come to believe my "pain" -- be it real, imagined or (most likely) self-manufactured -- is a gateway drug to self obsession.
And oh my God do I love to live there sometimes.
Because if I'm thinking about my pain (drama!) I'm thinking about -- obsessing about -- me.
Less and less over time, but it's still a pattern. Still a part of me.